Lam-rim 26: Remaining Actions for Training from “The All-Inclusive Text”

The next action is (6) adopting the ethical standards the Buddhas have set. In other words, if we are going in the direction of the Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha, this safe direction, the most basic thing that we need to do to go in that direction is to follow the ethical guidelines that the Buddha specified. 

This entails avoiding the ten destructive actions. The ones of body are: 

1. Taking the lives of others 
2. Taking what was not given to us, or stealing 
3. Inappropriate sexual behavior 

Those of speech are: 

4. Lying, saying what's untrue 
5. Using divisive language 
6. Using harsh language 
7. Idle chatter 

Those of ways of thinking are:

8. Thinking with covetous thoughts, thinking, "How can I get what somebody else has?" with greed and covetousness 
9. Thinking with harmful intentions how we can hurt somebody 
10. Thinking in a distorted way, which means not only denying what is true, particularly in terms of the spiritual path, but being very stubborn and argumentative about it

We'll be going into these ten in much more detail in the next major topic, which is karma, but here we just want to look in general to see if we are actually trying to lead an ethical life as is indicated in general by the Buddhist teachings. How important is ethics – being ethical – to us? This is something to examine. Does ethics play a primary role in how we lead our lives?

What I've seen with many people, including myself, is that when they start out in Buddhism, they tend to go to extremes and to be very, very strict with ethics – to be very inflexible. Although this is praiseworthy to a certain sense, it really isn't a balanced way of practicing Buddhist ethics. Buddhist ethics are not intended to make us stiff, to make us paranoid about making a mistake, and so on. There are many different guidelines, and we need to be flexible enough to be able to apply various guidelines in different situations and to know when, as it says in the texts, “the necessity overrides the prohibition.” In other words, we need to know when it's not necessary, in a sense, to follow a certain guideline very strictly – for example, when it is to the benefit of somebody else not to do so. There’s the example of a hunter chasing after a deer: We see a deer run past us and go in a certain direction. When the hunter asks, "Did you see the deer? Where did it go?" we don’t have to feel obligated to say the absolute truth as it would result in the hunter killing the deer. In such a situation, we can avoid giving a completely honest answer. 

So, we need to have a certain comfort level with Buddhist ethics. It's not as if we’re “bad” if we don't follow the rules and that we're going to be punished. The point is that not following these ethical codes causes suffering – to us and possibly to others as well. We have to use our discriminating awareness to decide what is appropriate and what is inappropriate in a certain situation. 

I think that's one of the major features of Buddhist ethics – developing this discriminating awareness. It’s not just blindly following a rule or a law but understanding why one would want to follow the ethical guideline and knowing when it's appropriate to be very strict and when to be a bit flexible – but flexible within certain boundaries. 

What's your experience?

Participant: I cannot follow all the ethical guidelines from one day to the next. What for me is more important is to be aware of them. So, when I sometimes don’t tell the complete truth, for example, I find it's very important to reflect on it and to be aware, “OK, this wasn't the complete truth,” and to be aware immediately. This is much more important to me so I can reflect, ‘OK, I'm not a pathological liar, somebody who lies all the time.”

Dr. Berzin: What you’re saying is that these ethical guidelines need to grow on us and that what is most important is to be aware of what we're doing. If we're aware of the ethical guidelines, then if, in a certain situation, we don't tell the truth or don't tell the complete truth (which is much more frequent), we are at least aware of this and of the fact that this is not according to the Buddhist teachings.

I would add that the reason it is important to have that awareness is that then one can have the feeling not of guilt – guilt is not appropriate here – but of regret. "I regret not being able to tell the complete truth, but it is necessary in this situation. And the benefit perhaps outweighs the disadvantages – as far as I can understand, though I don't really understand fully." 

Participant: My experience is that being flexible is quite difficult. For example, there was an incident at the social services company where I work. Two of my clients – two kids – were fighting in the room, and, as a result, they made a small hole in the wall. I thought, “OK, who’s going to pay for this?” My clients have no money. My company makes very little money. Neither of them can afford to pay for it. So, I called the insurance and told them what happened. Actually, I lied a little bit. The insurance people said they would look into it and call me the next day. The next day, when I woke up, I thought, “You can't do this. What I told them was not actually lying, but it was also not the truth.” So, I ended up calling the insurance back to tell them to forget about it – that I would find a way to deal with the cost of the repair myself. But afterwards I thought, “Well, was I being too inflexible? Was I being too stiff?” Sometimes it's difficult to have the discriminating awareness to make the proper decisions.

Dr. Berzin: Perhaps, in this case, you did make the proper decision. Actually, what you were following was a guideline that we find in the attitude training, lojong (blo-sbyong), which is to accept the defeat on oneself and to give the victory to others. So, rather than have the insurance company pay under false pretenses or to force the children or the company, who couldn’t pay, to pay it, you approached the situation by taking that responsibility on yourself. I don't think that you were being inflexible; you were just applying a different guideline from the Dharma. And it's fine to do something like that. Had you instead called the insurance company back and said, "Look, I made a mistake," and then gone to the parents to force them to pay the repair bill – which would then cause them to punish their children, possibly causing them a lot of harm, which, in turn, could produce even more problems – you would, I think, have been being a little overly honest. You have to look at the consequences of your honesty.

I can give another example. I was having a problem with the website. I don't want to go into specific details of it, but there was an issue of somebody wanting to add something to it. I didn't want them to do it; I didn't think that it was a good idea. But if I told the person the reason why it wasn’t a good idea, I would have hurt them and made them angry. So, rather than include what they wanted to add to a certain section, I just eliminated that whole section, which wasn't so necessary anyway, and, so, avoided the problem. I didn't say anything to the person; I just removed the section. So, there are various ways of handling difficult situations without necessarily lying but also without necessarily telling the truth.

Participant: I think it is quite important to be honest with small things and even to stay more on the side of being too strict rather than too loose. Otherwise, where does one draw the line? Then you can say, “OK, to take a little thing from a shop doesn't make any difference.” That’s how I was when I was young. We took little things like lipsticks and so on from shops, thinking, “The big companies don’t get hurt.” Which is true, but then you start to take this and then that. You take more and more. So, where do you draw the line – at a lipstick, a pair of sunglasses, a dress?

Dr. Berzin: Right. It wouldn't necessarily hurt the company, but if you get in the habit of taking things, it starts to get out of hand. What are you going to take next, thinking it doesn't matter – a dress? All the money from the bank? So, yes, I think it is better to be stricter in the beginning, definitely. Then, as we become more comfortable, we can work on being less stiff. 

I'm thinking of the example of killing a mosquito. We can think, “Well, it doesn't really matter. It’s not like I’m going out to shoot a deer or a person. I’m not going hunting. But a mosquito? It doesn't matter.” But this sets a precedent. If the way that we handle situations in which something annoys us is just to kill the thing – in other words, pursuing a violent solution for getting rid of something that annoys us – it sets up a habit always to react in a violent manner. So, when there are even larger things that annoy us, instead of finding a non-violent solution, we go immediately to a violent solution. This can lead to a very strong negative habit. So, I agree with what you said. 

Although, as I said, people very often are very stiff and inflexible with Buddhist ethics in the beginning, it's probably necessary, particularly when it comes to breaking old habits. But if one looks at how the Tibetans follow the Dharma and the ethics – they're very relaxed about it. So, I think there's a way of being quite firm in our ethics but, at the same time, relaxed – not stiff.

Let's just take a few minutes to consider our attitude towards ethics.

[meditation]

The next training is (7) trying to be as sympathetic and compassionate to others as possible. This not only has to do with our attitudes toward others – trying to be kind, trying to be understanding and sympathetic toward their suffering, and having the wish for them to be free of that suffering – it also, I think, involves actually trying to help others. And if we are looking at this in a Mahayana type of way, then we would extend this type of attitude to include everyone, not just those whom we like – so, not feeling, as it says in the bodhisattva training, that some are close to us (so, we'll help them) and that some are far from, or have no relation to, us (so, we’ll ignore them). 

So, again, we need to examine ourselves and see how compassionate we are toward others. I think that one way to tell how compassionate we are is to see how attentive we are to the situations of others. There are many people who, for instance, when they call or speak with their friends, talk only about themselves. They never ask how the other person is doing. They don't actually show any interest in the other person. They basically just want an audience so they can talk about themselves. That's not showing sympathy or compassion for others, is it? 

Also, I think that one of the things to notice is how much attention we pay to others around us – for instance, when we are using public transportation. Do we actually notice other people? Do we notice when some of them are in a terrible situation, look unhappy, or seem to be having a difficult time? It doesn't necessarily mean that we have to run over and try to help them. We’re just looking at ourselves to see how attentive we are in general and where we are in our development of compassion. 

How about these people who work in kiosks in the underground stations, selling chewing gum, magazines, and stuff like that? They just sit there, breathing this horrible air. They don’t see any daylight. Most of the time, they just sit there doing absolutely nothing – in this tiny little box. How much do we actually take the lives of those people seriously? 

So, I think that being sympathetic and compassionate to others as much as possible also means actually paying attention to the situations of those around us. What do you think?

Participant: I experienced how even small things can make a big difference. Some days ago, I went to a shop and got a small cheese bun. Then I went off walking, eating the bun. I passed a guy who was really smiling, which is unusual in Berlin, especially in this weather. He just looked at me and, with this big smile, said, "Have a nice meal." I said, "Thank you," and walked on. I had the feeling of being really happy. And it lasted for half-an-hour or something. I thought, “This is amazing. This guy gives me just five seconds, but it works for half-an-hour.”

Dr. Berzin: Right. So, there are even small things that we can do that can bring happiness to others. 

Of course, we have to be a little bit sensitive to the customs of the area. Here, in Berlin – and I think it's the case in America as well – people who work at the cash register in a store or in a supermarket appreciate very much if you smile and make some small talk, ask how they're doing or whatever. It makes them happy that you're treating them like human beings rather than as machines. However, when I tried that in Moscow, I got a very negative reaction. My Russian friends told me that if you speak like that to a lady cashier or even smile at her, she would think that you were making a sexual advance and, so, would be extremely offended. So, you need to know the customs of the area as well to know how to interact with others.

Participant: It's also my experience that some people just cannot stand the happiness of others. One morning, when I was working on a construction site, I came in smiling, saying, “Hey!” and making happy noises. All my colleagues were like "Hey, you, shut up!" So, I just stopped smiling.

Dr. Berzin: Well, being compassionate and kind to others doesn't just mean smiling because you're happy. It means smiling because you know that this is something that the other person would appreciate. So, it's being sensitive to the other – not just doing what makes you feel good. It’s like my smiling at the lady cashier in the Russian supermarket: one has to know what is appropriate. And maybe it's more compassionate to just keep quiet in the morning and let the others wake up properly.

So let's consider our behavior in terms of how sensitive we are to others. How much do we pay attention? Do we just ignore everyone around us or always just talk about ourselves? Or do we show sincere interest in others and their situations and develop some compassion and sympathy?

[meditation]

What came to mind was that there are some people who are so overwhelmed by their own problems and suffering that they are not really able to open themselves up and look at the suffering of others; they would find it to be too much. They're, in a sense, too sensitive. What do you think about the situation of such people? 

Participant: I think the key word that you used is “overwhelmed” – like when you are filled with sorrow after a very difficult event. I recently went through a divorce and was feeling a lot of grief. I was able to stay present with that grief, and that actually made me open up to the suffering of others. For example, I noticed for the first time that the secretary in our office always seems to be suffering so much; she always has this sad face. I had never noticed that before. Also, I was more open to listening to the problems of friends. But, maybe, when you are not able to stay present with the sadness and you are really completely overwhelmed, you're not able to open up.

Dr. Berzin: Right. But what I was referring to was not the situation of somebody who is as stable as you are. As Shantideva says, suffering has certain advantages because it makes us develop more appreciation for the suffering of others. I was talking about the situation of people who are basically unstable, and because they are unstable, they come to the Dharma. For such people, saying to them, “Open up to the suffering of the universe,” would be a bit overwhelming. This underlines the fact that the Dharma is really intended for people who are not so overwhelmed by their own suffering and in such difficult mental states that they don't have the stability needed to follow the Dharma teachings in the appropriate way. There needs to be a certain level of maturity and emotional stability already there to be able to take the full dose, as it were, of the Dharma training. So, for those people, I think one has to go quite slowly. Otherwise, they are not only going to be overwhelmed but even completely turned off by the Dharma. 

Participant: I think that, even for stable people, there are periods when one is so overwhelmed that one can't take it. I remember a friend who was going through chemo and radiation for cancer. During that time, she didn't want to meet with other people who also had cancer because it was too much. “All this cancer thing – I can't take it any more. I don't want to see other people suffering with cancer.” Later on it changed, though.

Dr. Berzin: But this involves something else. My nephew had cancer and went through chemotherapy. He said that what he found most difficult was that, once people knew that he had cancer, it became the only topic of conversation. He really didn't want his identity to be 100% in terms of cancer and for everybody else to treat him just in terms of being a cancer victim. Being with other people who have cancer and discussing only cancer just makes that identity even stronger. He was still a professional person, a professor at a university, and he wanted that aspect of his life to be considered. He didn’t want everything to be centered around his disease. 

In other words, there can be many circumstances in which we would not want to be so open with others. That's true – even if we are, basically, stable people. 

But the direction that we want to go in, of course – that of safe direction, which is what this is all about – has to do with training. How do we train ourselves? We train ourselves to go – gradually and according to our own speed – in the direction of being more and more open, compassionate, and sympathetic toward others. After all, that's what Buddhas do, isn't it? 

And, again, discriminating awareness – we need to know when things are overwhelming and when we need to go more slowly. But don't set absolute limits, thinking, "Well, I can't do this,” or “I can't do that." 

I always think of the example of one of my aunts. She was very, very close to her mother, my grandmother. But when my grandmother got very sick and was in the nursing home, my aunt never went to visit her. She said it was too much to see her mother in such a terrible condition. That, I thought, was quite terrible, actually. So, even if the situation is overwhelming emotionally – as it was for my aunt – nevertheless, it's one’s mother. Think what she must feel like.

The last one in this list is (7) making special offerings of fruit, flowers, and so forth on Buddhist holy days such as the anniversary of Buddha's enlightenment. The comment that I have here is that observing religious holidays with traditional rituals helps us feel part of a larger community. 

The question is, what is the purpose of making offerings and following some ritual on, for instance, Sakadawa, the anniversary of Buddha's enlightenment? Do we do it in the same manner that we put up a tree on Christmas – because it's “just what you do”? Or does it have some sort of meaning?

Participant:  I think it has a purpose: you really gather together. I’m thinking about Vesak. There are many Buddhist groups that come together. I think this helps to overcome sectarian feelings. You might see people from a group that you don't like so much, but then you see that the people are so nice. So, it strengthens the feeling of community.

Dr. Berzin: Vesak is actually the Pali variant of Vaishakha, which is the Sanskrit name of the month in which Buddha's enlightenment took place. Sakadawa is the Tibetan name for that month. In any case, all the Buddhist groups in Berlin come together and have a gathering. There are some lectures, some rituals, some pujas, and things like that. Actually, it's very nice. And as you say, this is important because it gives a feeling of community, which helps to overcome sectarian feelings. But the question here is, when we are not in a place where there is a group celebration, would we, all by ourselves, make special offerings of fruit or flowers, say special prayers, and so on, on the day of Buddha's enlightenment? Do we consider it important to do this or not? 

I must say, I'm not a good example. Perhaps I should take this far more seriously. I'm sure I should take it far more seriously. Obviously, this is pointed out as an important training. I think the point is to show respect and appreciation. After all, the Buddhas don't need flowers and fruit. What are they going to do with them? Nothing. The point also is that, when you make offerings, you don't just leave them there until they rot and then throw them into the garbage. You leave any fruit for a short amount of time (which doesn't mean five minutes) and then eat it yourself.

Participant: I think also small things, like putting flowers on the altar, lighting a candle, and so on, help you to brighten yourself up.

Dr. Berzin: Things like that actually makes it nicer for you – though you're not doing it for yourself. As I say, I think it's about showing respect. We'll have this in some of the later trainings as well – that making offerings is a way of showing respect for what we ourselves are doing and a way of acknowledging that it is something important. But to do it just out of a sense of duty because “I have to do it,” or “I have to go to this celebration,” like I have to go to the office Christmas party – that's not the way it's to be done, is it? 

There is a certain benefit to having rituals. Obviously, we can engage in them to varying degrees. There are some people who love rituals, other people who don't like rituals at all. Nonetheless, they do provide a way for one to express a certain feeling. Very often we could have a feeling of respect, but we might not actually have a way of showing that respect. The question is, is it necessary to show that respect? Well, in a sense, I think it is necessary to have a way of expressing it.

So, let's, in our closing minutes, think about and examine our attitudes toward these Buddhist holy days and about making some sort of token gestures of respect – with feeling. I fill water bowls and light a candle every day on my altar, but it's very easy to do that mechanically, without having any thought or any feeling. That doesn't have terribly much benefit. A little benefit, yes, but not very much.