Regarding Others as Teachers of Patience

Viewing Others as Respected Teachers

Verse six of our eight-verse text expresses a similar sentiment to what Togme Zangpo communicates in the verse we previously cited in our discussion of verse five, in which he refers to someone we’ve raised and cherished like our own child regarding us like an enemy. For such a person, we regard them with the special loving kindness of a mother toward her sick child.

(6) Even if someone whom I have helped and from whom I harbor great expectations were to harm me completely unbefittingly, may I view him or her as a hallowed teacher.

In this example, not only do we regard the other person like a mother toward her child, but we also see them as our teacher of patience. It can be particularly challenging when people that we have been very kind to and have helped a great deal turn around and act unkindly, are uncaring, do something very inconsiderate, or hurt us completely unbefittingly. How do we deal with this? There are many examples of this kind of situation, such as teenage children acting disrespectfully or even our friends being disloyal to us. When this happens, aren’t we very disappointed? We have great expectations, which obviously isn’t helpful at all. Shantideva provides a very good way of dealing with this:

(VIII.22) If limited beings, with varied dispositions, couldn’t be pleased by even the Triumphant, what need to mention by the poor likes of me? Therefore, let me give up my preoccupation with worldly people.

In other words, why worry about everybody liking us? Even the Buddha couldn’t please everybody. Buddha was so kind, yet people like his cousin Devadatta were still trying to hurt him. What do we expect? Do we think we’re going to be able to please everybody and everybody will be nice to us? If not everybody liked the Buddha, how can we expect everyone to like us? Shantideva further states:

(VI.54) Others’ dislike for me – that won’t devour me, either in this life or in any other lifetime; so why do I find it undesirable?

Basically, we shouldn’t be concerned about others disliking us.

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