Recap
We have been going through this text, Wheel of Sharp Weapons or Weapon Wheel of Blades, which is a text in the genre of lojong – attitude-training or attitude cleansing or mind training. We are near the end of the section that goes through with many examples of how we would apply the method of tonglen – of giving and taking – to dealing with all sorts of different types of sufferings and problems that we might be experiencing. We look at each of these sufferings or problems, and we want to discover what would the karmic cause for them be. This is because, initially, what we would need to do to avoid the effects of these type of actions is, of course, to not do them anymore. If we don’t do them anymore, then we won’t experience future types of accumulated negative karmic potentials from that. Later on, we’ll go to a deeper level of how we can avoid these problems; this means, basically, to eliminate the confusion about how we exist, which is what’s causing us to act in these destructive ways.
But here we’re focusing on two levels prior to that. One is the level of just ethical discipline: seeing the destructive things that we do and basically trying to avoid them and do constructive things instead. The other level that we’re working with is our self-centeredness, our self-cherishing, with which we think that “I’m the only one in the universe who has such a problem.” This of course just makes it worse, because whatever physical suffering we might be experiencing, our mental suffering adds to it and worsens it. What we try to do is to get rid of that self-centeredness with this tonglen practice, which to see that everybody else is also suffering from similar type of problems and that it’s not just my problem. It’s everybody’s problem, and therefore we want to take on and accept that suffering problem as basically our responsibility. It’s our responsibility to try to help everybody to overcome it and give the solution to it to everyone. In this sense, we do this tonglen practice and, in doing so, we overcome our self-centeredness and self-cherishing that says, “I don’t want to deal with other people’s problems,” and which also makes our own problem much more terrible by seeing it just associated with “me.”
Karmic Causes of Being Overcome by Attachment and Anger
We were up to verse 39. If we look at the poetical version of it, verse 39 reads:
When attachment and anger disturb and upset us no matter how much we may try to suppress them, this is the wheel of sharp weapons returning full circle upon us from wrongs we have done. Till now we’ve held on to the improper outlook, stubbornly cherishing only ourselves; hereafter let’s uproot self-interest completely.
The literal translation of that is:
At times when, no matter how we try, attachment and anger upset us, this is the sharp weapon of negative karma circling back on us from having stubbornly harbored unseemly bad streams of (self-centered) thought. Now, let’s pull out from the root (concepts of) a “true self” and a “true you.”
This is referring to what most of us experience which is that we have attachment, and we have anger, and it upsets us. That fits in with the definition of a disturbing emotion or attitude. By the way, when we say “definition,” what the word is referring to is a “defining characteristic mark or feature.” In other words: what is it when we experience this thing that is its individual feature by which we can identify what it is? What’s its special feature or unique feature? The individual feature of a disturbing emotion is that, when it arises, we lose two things: self-control and peace of mind. That’s a very helpful definition because so often we don’t really know what’s going on, what’s bothering us, but we can feel that I lost my peace of mind, I’m feeling uneasy. What it refers to here is being upset – “I feel uneasy” – and then you no longer really have self-control. If you feel emotionally unwell, then you start doing crazy things just based on those feelings and those emotions. That’s a disturbing emotion. These are the real troublemakers.
The major ones of them, of course, are attachment and anger. The Buddhist texts differentiate two things in terms of this attachment. Just as a way of translating it, I call them “longing desire” and “attachment.” Both of them are based on an exaggeration of the good qualities of something. Either you exaggerate the good qualities that they have, or you add good qualities that they don’t have. Based on that, if you don’t have the object, then that’s longing desire; you want to have it. If you already have it, you have attachment; you don’t want to let go of it. Those are the two sides here of this disturbing emotion. It’s an exaggeration of the good qualities of something; or, when we have anger or repulsion, basically it’s also an exaggeration: it’s an exaggeration of the negative qualities of something or somebody. Either you exaggerate the negative qualities that they actually have, or you project negative qualities that they don’t have. Based on that exaggeration, you get angry: you can’t tolerate it, you want to get rid of the person; there is hostility, there is aggression, there is repulsion.
The directions of the energies are quite different here – they’re just the opposite. With attachment and desire, you want to get something to yourself – to “me;” and with anger or repulsion, you want to get it away from “me.” Obviously, both of those are based on a very strong sense of “me:” “I’m the most important one and I should get my way;” “I should have what I want and should get rid of what I don’t want.” This is the source of the problem. As it says here, “This is coming from having stubbornly harbored unseemly bad streams of self-centered thought.” “I should have my way,” “I’m the most important,” “I want this now, whatever it is,” “I want this person now,” “I want this attention now,” “I want this food now in the restaurant,” “I want my turn now on the queue that I’m waiting in, I want it now” – and being very stubborn, not willing to let go of that. It is unseemly – meaning that it is not very nice to anybody; it really doesn’t give a nice impression. It gives actually a quite a terrible impression to anybody who sees us acting with great greed and desire, pushing to get our way, or acting with aggression and anger. It’s a very unseemly act.
They use the word “bad” here – “bad streams of self-centered thought” – but it doesn’t imply a moral judgment in Buddhism. It’s a way of thinking that is centered around “me,” making this “me” into some big, important thing, independently of everybody else and what they might want. “I have to get what I want,” and because of that, what happens is attachment and anger. We get upset all the time, because we’re always getting attachment and anger, and then we lose our peace of mind. We lose self-control, and we do all sorts of either negative things or foolish things and destructive things to others, which ultimately are self-destructive. It causes people not to like us; it causes people to not help us, for example. The solution for that is to pull out egotism from the root. The root of this egotism, of being so self-centered and grasping so solidly to “me,” is basically an exaggeration of the “me.” With this, we are projecting onto “me” this solid entity which exists independently of everybody else and of everything and has to have its own way – regardless of what’s going on, regardless of the circumstances, regardless of what other people want, and so on. We feel that there is something on the side of “me” that makes “me” special, more special than everybody, else which is why I need to get my own way, and I deserve to get my own way, and who cares about anybody else.
To pull egotism out from the root means to understand that this is complete nonsense. This is just something that we’re projecting, which is not true at all, because nobody exists that way. If anybody existed that way, everybody should exist that way. And if everybody existed that way, then that’s a big problem in the world, isn’t it? Because everybody thinks that they exist that way – at least most people do – and so we have all the conflicts and so on that go on in the world, based on greed, based on egotism. “It’s not enough to have one billion dollars; I have to have ten billion dollars” – it’s this type of silliness.
Attachment and anger come together. You exaggerate the good qualities and then, when you find out that they don’t have those qualities, you’re very angry and then you reject it. You’re on the other extreme and exaggerate the bad qualities. You project that all the lamas should be Buddhas and absolutely perfect, and then you find out that some of them are actually quite questionable in their character, and then you throw out the whole thing. But this is the case not only with the lamas, not only with the Dharma, but it’s with people. When you fall in love with somebody, you completely exaggerate the good qualities of the person and are totally blind to the negative qualities – you don’t want to see them at all. Then you’re attached, and have desire, and then, when you find out that they don’t actually have those qualities or they don’t do what you want them to do – like always agree with you or whatever that might be – you get very angry, because they’re not living up to your projection. It’s classic samsara.
The way that we do this practice is the way that we’ve been practicing all along. We think in terms of this problem of attachment and anger upsetting us all the time, and we accept this. We see how it comes in ourselves from always having these self-centered thoughts and just holding on to them. Let’s pull out self-centeredness, let’s try to overcome that, stop being so self-centered, and then. Then we think of everybody else and take on that problem of everybody. We see that it’s everybody’s problem, it’s not just my problem – “We all have a problem of attachment and anger because we’re all acting like this” – and give the solution to everybody else. If you were doing this as a tantra practice, you’d imagine light going out from you and giving this to everybody; tonglen is sort of a precursor of that.
Let’s do this for a little while. The verse is:
At times when, no matter how we try, attachment and anger upset us, this is the sharp weapon of negative karma circling back on us from having stubbornly harbored unseemly bad streams of (self-centered) thought. Now, let’s pull out from the root (concepts of) a “true self” and a “true you.”
One thing that I should mention when doing this tonglen practice is that it’s important to start out with ourselves and not just practice it in terms of everybody else. This is because there is a danger, when doing this, that if you only think of taking on the problem of others, then you could think, “Well, I don’t have that problem, and I’m just going to help everybody else because everybody else has that problem, but I’m perfect.” That becomes a very arrogant and self-righteous type of attitude of “I’m saving the world.” It’s important to include ourselves first, do ourselves first, and then expand and include ourselves and everybody having this problem. That way we are humbler with the whole process. To say that in taking on the problems of others we negate self-centeredness – again that doesn’t mean to go to the nihilist position of “I don’t exist, so I’m outside of this whole process; it’s only other people, these stupid suffering other people.”
Dedication
Why don’t we just end, since it’s already time, with the dedication. We think, whatever understanding, whatever positive force has come from this, may it go deeper and deeper and act as a cause for everybody to reach enlightenment for the benefit of us all.