Lam-Rim 65: Disturbing Emotions – Longing Desire

Initial Scope

The Precious Human Rebirth

We have already covered the initial scope motivation, which is, as mentioned, to continue to have better rebirths, especially precious human rebirths. To cultivate that motivation, we looked first at the precious human rebirths that we have now, recognizing and appreciating the freedom that we have. It’s only a temporary respite, however; it’s not freedom forever. Nonetheless, temporarily, we are free from the sufferings we would have in the most horrible states of rebirth – free, too, from the terrible sufferings we could have even as humans. We’re also free from being in situations in which the spiritual teachings are unavailable and having no ability to practice them and so on. Instead, our lives are enriched with many favorable opportunities: there are teachers, the teachings are available, people are practicing and supporting them, and so on. So, our lives are very rich. 

Then we looked at the causes for a precious human rebirth. Its causes are, first of all, ethical discipline (primarily, refraining from destructive behavior), accompanied by generosity, patience, perseverance, mental stability, and discriminating awareness, which means being able to discriminate between what’s helpful and what’s harmful and to act accordingly. Another cause, of course, is making prayers to continue to have precious human rebirths. We recognize that, given these causes, the precious human rebirth is extremely rare and difficult to come by – especially considering the many destructive thoughts we’ve had and destructive actions we’ve committed. So, we learn to value what we have now and not to waste it.  

Death and Impermanence

Thinking about how a precious human rebirth will be very difficult to attain again led us to death meditation. Death will come for sure. It happens to everybody, so why shouldn’t it happen to me? The time of death is completely uncertain; it can happen at any time. The only things that are going to be of help at the time of death are not how much money we have, how many friends we have, what we’ve accomplished in terms of fame, career, and so on – the only things that are going to be of any help are the positive habits that we’ve built up. Specifically, this means habits built up from following the Dharma. “Dharma” means “preventive measures” – building up the positive habits that will not only shape our future experiences but prevent us from experiencing worse states and, therefore, more and more suffering.  

We saw that if we have not built up these positive habits, what could easily happen after we die is to be reborn in one of the worst states of existence. According to Buddhism, there are many different states of existence. These are states in which a mind, a mental continuum can experience parts of the spectrum of feeling – from extreme unhappiness or pain to extreme happiness or pleasure – that are beyond what we can experience with our human hardware. Just as it is possible for animals and insects to perceive portions of the spectrums of light, sound, and so on that humans are unable to perceive (for instance, insects are able to see infrared and ultraviolet), it should be possible, given the right type of body and sensory apparatus, for a mental continuum to experience different portions, different extremes, of the spectrum of happiness and unhappiness, pleasure and pain. 

Dreading Worse States of Rebirth

We then looked at the beings in the three worst states of existence. There are the so-called hell beings, those that are trapped in the joyless realms (so-called hell realms), experiencing the worst types of suffering and pain. There are the clutching ghosts, these ghosts, or spirits that are never able to enjoy anything. They are constantly thirsty, hungry, paranoid, continually being chased, and so on. Then there are those in the animal realm, these beings that crawl on the floor, swim in the ocean, and so on, many of which are hunted by other animals or humans, eaten alive, and so on. That would be a horrible state as well. 

Thinking about the sufferings in these worst states of existence leads us to develop a healthy sense of fear of that happening to us. An unhealthy sense of fear is one that makes us feel hopeless and helpless and, even, paralyzed. Here, it’s that we really want to avoid that – so, it’s fear in that sense. But we  know that we can avoid it and that there is a way out. This is the big difference.  

Safe Direction

The way out is offered by what we call “refuge,” what I call a “safe direction” in life. This is the direction of the Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha. The Dharma, on a usual level, refers to the teachings of the Buddha, the scriptural texts, and so on. On a deeper level, it refers to what the Buddha has attained, what can be attained: (1) a true stopping of suffering and the causes of suffering – in other words, a state in which all the various types of suffering and their causes, such as unawareness, the disturbing emotions, karma and so on are totally removed; (2) the states of mind that bring those true stoppings about and that result from those true stoppings. This is the actual Dharma direction that we want to go in. The Buddhas are those who have achieved these in full, and the Sangha is the community of those who have achieved these in part.  

Refraining from Destructive Behavior

In order to avoid the worst types of suffering, we need to know what the causes are. We looked at those. The immediate cause is destructive behavior. This brought us into the whole topic of karma. We discussed that in full, especially in terms of the karmic habits, tendencies, and potentials that we build up from our behavior, especially destructive behavior, which comes when we feel like doing something destructive, like killing or hurting somebody, stealing, lying, etc. When we act on those feelings, it reinforces the tendencies, reinforces the habit to commit those actions again and, as a consequence, to cause us, in the future, to get into situations in which similar things happen back to us. 

In general, these negative habits and tendencies are activated at the time of death and can “throw” us into worse states of rebirth. To avoid that, we need to exercise self-control, which basically means that when an urge comes up to act in a destructive manner, we don’t act on it.  This is what constructive behavior refers to in the context of the initial scope. If we can exercise that kind of ethical self-discipline during our lives and, also, have positive thoughts and so on at the time of death, we can continue to have better states of rebirth. And as I said, what we specifically want to aim for is to continue having precious human rebirths so that we can continue to practice and to develop ourselves.  

Intermediate Scope

Developing the Determination to Be Free

Then we went on to the intermediate scope. With the intermediate scope of motivation, aiming to be free of uncontrollably recurring existence, we realize that even if we are reborn into situations where there’s a great deal of so-called happiness, there will still be problems. Our ordinary happiness is something that never lasts. And it never satisfies – we always want more. Also, any so-called happy situation will automatically change into suffering. Like eating our favorite food: if we just continue eating it, we will not only get full, we will even make ourselves sick. If it were true happiness, the more we ate, the happier we would become – but we don’t. So, there are problems with our ordinary type of happiness.

We looked at the general problems involved with any rebirth state, like the sufferings of getting sick, getting old, having to give up our bodies repeatedly, etc. We also looked at the specific problems and sufferings involved with the so-called higher states of rebirth, those of the humans, the anti-gods, and the gods. We finished that discussion last week.

Now we are up to the discussion of the causes of all these sufferings and, specifically, the suffering known as the “all-pervasive suffering,” the suffering of uncontrollably recurring rebirth – samsara. Samsara is brought on by a suffering state of mind and perpetuates a suffering state of mind – pain, unhappiness, and our ordinary worldly happiness that doesn’t last and doesn’t satisfy.

Of the causes of suffering – suffering being the first noble truth and the causes of suffering, the second noble truth – the deepest one is, of course, our unawareness of reality, of how we and everything else exist. Unawareness brings on the disturbing emotions, which cause us to act in destructive ways. They can even cause us to act in constructive ways – let’s say, being nice to someone because we want to be loved, because we want something from them, and so on. So, the disturbing emotions bring on the karmic impulses to act in ways that just perpetuate samsara. So, for this reason, we’ll be looking at the disturbing emotions because they are behind the karma. Later, we’ll get into the deepest cause, unawareness.

Regarding this term “disturbing emotions,” it’s very difficult, actually, to find an English word that conveys all the meanings of the Tibetan word (nyon-mongs).  It’s talking about emotions and also attitudes, but it’s also talking about certain states of mind. Some are clearly emotions, like anger. Some are clearly attitudes, like the ways in which we regard ourselves. Others (I don’t know what we would call them) are states of mind like indecisiveness. Indecisiveness is neither an emotion nor an attitude, but it’s a disturbing state of mind. 

The Definition: They Cause Us to Lose Peace of Mind and Self-Control

The definition of a disturbing emotion or attitude is “a state of mind that, when it arises, causes us to lose our peace of mind and incapacitates us so that we lose self-control.” This is a very, very good definition, one that gives us quite a lot to think about. It’s a state of mind that causes us to lose our peace of mind. So, we’re disturbed; we’re upset. It doesn’t have to be dramatic, but we lose our peace of mind. It also incapacitates us so that we lose self-control. In other words, we do things that we later might regret, things that might cause some problems or some trouble. When we are under the influence of desire and attachment, we basically lose control. It’s certainly noticeable when we get angry: we lose all self-control and yell. We can even be quite violent. 

I think it would be helpful to digest that for a moment and to try to understand what we’re talking about here.  

[meditation]

Also, try to think of the various disturbing emotions that you might have. Please bear in mind that we’re not talking about positive emotions like love, compassion, and patience – although they could, of course, be mixed with some disturbing attitude. Love could be mixed with attachment and so on. 

When you think of examples from your life, try to see how these disturbing emotions make you lose your peace of mind and lose self-control. 

[meditation]  

Are there any questions about that?

Participant: I think you can also lose peace of mind when you get terrible news. What would the disturbing emotion be in that case?

Dr. Berzin: I think that would probably come under the category of anger. “Anger” is too strong a word here, but I think it would come under that category. It is basically a strong rejection of something. You hear negative news and you exaggerate it. You think it’s the end of the world or whatever and you reject it.

Participant: And there’s fear.

Dr. Berzin: And then there’s a fear: "What can I do!" and so on. Fear is another aspect of anger – pushing something away. You don’t want it to get to you, so that’s pushing something away. You get out of control because you’re really frightened. You don’t want to accept the reality of the bad news. I think it’s like that. 

Because we have two Brazilians and one Mexican here, I was thinking of the example of being overly enthusiastic, saying, “Yeah! Wow!” and so on – which is quite typical in Latin America. Is that a disturbing state of mind? If it is, why is it?

Participant: Well, being overly enthusiastic makes you promise to do things that you will never actually do.

Dr. Berzin: That’s true. So, you lose self-control. You say what couldn’t possibly be the case. 

Participant: It’s also disturbing.

Dr. Berzin: Is it disturbing? Is your energy peaceful at that time?  

Participant: It can be pleasant.

Dr. Berzin: Pleasant is something else. But is it peaceful? 

No? Maria says no. 

Participant: Maybe it’s in the same category as falling in love.

Dr. Berzin: Which is a disturbing state of mind. 

Participant: Or a very nice one.

Dr. Berzin: A very nice one, but it’s disturbing in the sense that you don’t see the negative qualities of the other person at all.  You exaggerate their good qualities and have tremendous desire to be with them. So, that’s a disturbing state of mind. 

Being overly excited and enthusiastic in what I’m thinking of as a Latin American kind of way would, I think, come under the category of the auxiliary disturbing emotions. There’s a list of root disturbing emotions and auxiliary ones. One of the auxiliary ones is called “mental agitation” (rgod-pa), flightiness of mind. The mind just flies off to, "Yeah! It’s going to be so wonderful!” and “I’m going to do this!” and “Yeah!" and so on. I think it would come in that category.

Participant: I know that very well. It goes together with ignorance because, at that point, I’m so focused on doing what I’m thinking to do that I don’t see anything else.

Dr. Berzin: Right. So, there’s also ignorance, she says, in that you close yourself off from everything else and just focus very narrowly on this one thing. That’s part of it, especially when there’s desire or repulsion. With desire, you focus only on the positive things and lose sight of any negative things. With anger it’s the opposite: you focus just on the negative things, the things you don’t like, and totally ignore everything else. 

What’s also a part of this is naivety, which is a disturbing emotion that accompanies everything. In being overly excited, you are being naive about cause and effect, about the consequences of promising, "Yes, I’m going to do that. And this is going to be so great!” and “Wow!” You’re naive about the reality of being able to do what you say you’re going to do and the consequences of saying it.

Participant: I think that there is a suffering that comes from the big expectations that you create.

Dr. Berzin: Well, I don’t know. If the other person is also Latin American, they know that what you’re saying doesn’t mean anything – as in “the party will start at seven.” Of course, it’s not going to start at seven!  

Participant: But I mean that sometimes you also create expectations for yourself when you say you’re going to do this and that.

Dr. Berzin: Right. And if you’ve taken what you’ve said at all seriously, you might be very disappointed when you haven’t met your expectations and might even feel regret.

We will be going through all the disturbing emotions and attitudes that are listed in the text and see which ones are specified – though there are many, many more disturbing emotions and attitudes besides the ones that are listed. But I think that what is most helpful is knowing the definition, because it gives us a guideline for what to look for in our daily lives and helps us to identify when we are under the influence of a disturbing emotion or attitude. We might not be able to identify which one we’re under the influence of, but we can at least recognize that we’re under the influence of something disturbing. 

When we see that our energies are disturbed, that we’re not calm – that’s a definite sign. Let’s say we’re talking to somebody and we start to feel a little bit upset, somehow not quite in control. That’s a give-away that some disturbing emotion or attitude is there. Maybe there’s some arrogance in what we’re saying. Maybe there’s some jealousy or hostility. Maybe we’re trying impress the person in order to get something from them or to get them to like us. When those things are at play in the background, even if we’re unconscious of them, our energies are going to be upset. We’re not going to be calm. 

Participant: What about people who live in a constant state of anxiety?

Dr. Berzin: People who live in a constant state of anxiety are, of course, influenced by the disturbing attitudes toward “me” – that there is a solid “me,” and “What am I going to do? How can I handle it?” So, that’s projecting onto the conventional “me” a solidity that’s not there. That “me” then becomes the focus of worry and anxiety. 

We could also be anxious about a world situation, an election, or something like that. In that case, we’d be making the world situation or the election into some big, solid, monster thing. So, even if we’re not so concerned about how I am going to deal with it, we’re concerned about how society is going to deal with it or whatever. Nonetheless, we could still get very upset. 

I remember my mother when she would watch the news. Usually, the news on television is all bad news. It’s all about robberies, rapes, murders, and things like that. She would be very disturbed by that. So, what’s happening there? What kind of disturbing emotion is there?  

Participant: Maybe it acted as a channel for an emotion to be expressed that hadn’t been expressed before.

Dr. Berzin: Well, I think that it could have been an expression of fear, of insecurity about the situation. It could have been repulsion: "I really don’t want that to be happening!" It could have been indignation: "This shouldn’t be happening! It’s not fair! It’s not right!" What’s disturbing about that attitude?

Participant: Not accepting reality.

Dr. Berzin: Not accepting reality and, also, projecting onto reality that it should be fair. Why should it be fair? I’d like it to be fair, but there’s no reason why it should be.  

Participant: Also, it is a sort of distorted view because it picks out all the bad things.

Dr. Berzin: Right. We’ll talk about that when we finish our discussion of the disturbing emotions and discuss their causes – how they arise. One of the causes is the object, like a TV news show, that acts as a condition for a disturbing emotion to arise.

Participant: The news not only focuses on the negative things, it presents them in a sensational way.

Participant: It’s very interesting: News shows and newspapers have tried giving just positive news, and they are never successful.

Dr. Berzin: Right. People haven’t been interested. So, now the question is why? 

Participant: The explanation of psychologists is that people tend to care more about what could threaten them. That’s their explanation: survival.

Dr. Berzin: So, from a biological point of view, we’re more concerned about what threatens us because our survival is at stake; therefore, we have more interest.  

We can also look at it from a Freudian point of view. Freud contended that the unconscious was dominated by fear and sexual desire, which are basic, animal types of instincts, similar to what you were talking about. When those unconscious emotions – which in Buddhism, we would say are just the strong tendencies of emotions – are roused, they can be felt quite strongly. So, propaganda, elections, and these kinds of things draw on people’s fear and hold their attention. Or advertising – that usually plays on people’s sexual desire. These things, rather than the positive things, hold people’s interest and, in a way, keep them under control. 

So, what does that indicate? It indicates – and reaffirms – that our negative habits and potentials are stronger than our positive ones. 

Participant: Are they stronger than Buddha-nature?

Dr. Berzin: If by Buddha-nature you mean our innate positive emotions, they don’t seem to have the alluring attraction of the disturbing emotions. We have to quiet down completely in order to tap into these good qualities. However, the disturbing emotions are so noisy and our energies are so disturbed by them that it’s very difficult to quiet down and to get in touch with these deeper, positive aspects.  

Participant: Did you mean that the disturbing emotions are stronger than the positive ones? 

Dr. Berzin: It depends on the point of view. Ultimately, the positive ones can win out because they are based on reality. The negative ones are based on a distortion of reality. They are contradicted by reality and, therefore, can be overcome by correct understanding. So, from that point of view, the positive ones are stronger than the negative. 

On the other hand, the negative habits that we have are much stronger than the positive ones, because we have mostly been under the influence of confusion and unawareness rather than under the influence of clarity of mind and understanding. So, because our negative habits are much stronger than the positive ones, our negative impulses are much stronger.

Participant: You can see something positive on TV, for example, and get very disturbed and overreact.  So, there can be a disturbing side to positive things, right?

Dr. Berzin:  Sure. You could say that, for instance, when we feel love towards somebody, that love is usually mixed with something negative, like, “I want to be loved; I don’t want to be rejected,” this sort of thing.  So, there is some sort of disturbing aspect mixed in with it.  

Most of the time, we have very mixed emotions. For example, wanting to help someone: “I want to help you. I’d like to help you.” Underlying that could be a need to feel needed – which is a strong grasping for “me” – as if by helping the other person we reaffirm our existence. But we don’t have to reaffirm our existence: we already exist. That’s not the problem here. The problem is insecurity. Insecurity can accompany all sorts of positive things that we do. We do something to help someone, but we feel insecure and, so, are unsure if we’re really helping and doing the right thing – even when we are doing the right thing. That’s a disturbing state of mind. There are many gradations of mixtures.   

Doctrinally Based and Automatically Arising Disturbing Emotions and Attitudes

Some disturbing emotions entail an outlook on life, a view – what I call the “disturbing attitudes” – and some don’t. Also, some disturbing emotions and attitudes are doctrinally based (kun-brtags) and some are both doctrinally based and automatically arising (lhan-skyes). 

The automatically arising ones don’t have to be taught. They just automatically arise – emotions like anger, jealousy, desire, attachment, and so on. Even animals have these. And there are others that are doctrinally based. In other words, you learn a certain philosophy – here, referring to non-Buddhist Indian systems and their teachings about the self as a static, monolithic entity, an atman existing independently of the body and mind – and then identifying yourself with an atman, you get disturbing emotions based on that. That wouldn’t automatically arise; it’s based on having learned some system and then having disturbing emotions based around that system.

Much more difficult, of course, are the automatically arising disturbing emotions, the ones that nobody has to teach us – to get angry, to be selfish, or to be attached… "mine!" A baby learns that very quickly. You don’t have to teach a baby that, do you? 

Participant: Yes, you do.

Dr. Berzin: You have to teach a baby “mine”? 

Participant: Yeah, they learn it in Kindergarten.

Dr. Berzin: Don’t they have that concept before the kindergarten?  

Participant: That’s where I’ve seen it.

Dr. Berzin: But by the time babies are one year old, they have a concept of “mine,” don’t they?

Participant: By the age of one, they have the concept of “I” and have learned how to manipulate you to get what they want!

Dr. Berzin: So, by one, they have an idea of “me” and what “I” want. And if they have a smaller baby brother or sister, they don’t have to be taught that "These are my toys, and I don’t want the baby to play with them."

Participant: They act out their will.

Dr. Berzin: This is what I’m saying. It automatically arises; you don’t have to teach them.  

Participant: Oh, OK. Maybe you are right.

Dr. Berzin: What’s your experience, Maria? You’ve raised children. Do you have to teach them, “This is mine,” and “I don’t want to share”?

Participant: No. 

Dr. Berzin: It comes automatically

Participant: Of course, yes.

Dr. Berzin: That’s what we’re talking about. And when they don’t get their way, they get angry. You don’t have to teach them to get angry. And they cry. Come on now, what’s that?  

Participant: They express a lot of things by crying – not just being angry but also wanting things.

Participant: It could be because they’re hungry or thirsty or sitting in an uncomfortable position.

Dr. Berzin: Sitting in an uncomfortable position, having gas pains, needing to be burped or to have the diaper changed. It’s uncomfortable and so on. But it’s something that they want to get rid of, so it falls into this category of rejecting something. They certainly don’t have peace of mind when they are crying. 

Let’s start to look at some of the individual disturbing emotions. 

The first one is longing desire (‘dod-chags). Longing desire is aimed at any external or internal tainted object (meaning one associated with confusion) – either animate or inanimate (so, it could be people, animals, objects) – and wishes to acquire it, based on regarding the object as attractive by its very nature. It functions to bring us suffering.

Based on Incorrect Consideration of the Object, We Add Good Qualities or Exaggerate the Ones That Are There

Although longing desire can occur either with sense perception – such as seeing, listening, and so on – or with mental perception, it is based on a prior conceptual interpolation. “Interpolation” (sgro-’dogs) means to add something. It conceptually adds good qualities or more good qualities than the object actually has. So, it either exaggerates the good qualities or adds good qualities that are not there. It is based on an incorrect consideration – for instance, considering something that is impermanent to be permanent, something that is unpleasant to be pleasant, something that is dirty to be clean, and so on. When exaggerating, we see only the positive things, not the negative things. All of that’s conceptual. And it happens the moment before the longing desire arises. It could happen even just looking at somebody, listening to them talk, or whatever. So, longing desire is based on seeing things in a manner that’s not in accord with the reality.  

From a Western perspective, we can say that when longing desire is aimed at another person or a group, it can take the form of wishing for that group or person to belong to me or for me to belong to that person or group. It’s not actually mentioned in the text, but it’s something that we commonly find. I can look at another person and either want to possess that person as my partner or want that person to possess me as their partner. It can take both forms. And as I said, it is supported by a prior conceptual denial or repudiation of the negative qualities of that person or group. 

The Differences between Longing Desire, Attachment and Greed

In various other texts, longing desire is spoken of in terms of attachment. Longing desire is wanting something we don’t already have. Greed is wanting even more of something we already have enough of. Attachment is not wanting to let go of or to be parted from something we have – like when our loved ones are away and we feel horrible. 

Let’s think about this and try to recognize in our own behavior what the objects of our longing desire, greed, or attachment might be. Try, too, to recognize the suffering that it brings. We don’t have peace of mind. We do things that we regret later – so, we are out of control. And ultimately, it makes us unhappy. Although, there might be, as you were saying, the excitement of being in love with somebody, a lot of the time, we feel quite horrible.  

[meditation]

The things that we desire don’t have to be people or objects. They could be abstract things, like attention, love, or just feeling good – especially when we’re sick. “I’d really like to feel better!” – as if then everything is going to be all right in your life.

Is Wanting to Feel Better When We Are Sick a Disturbing Emotion?

Participant: But is that a disturbing emotion?

Dr. Berzin: It could be naivety – thinking that all we need is to be in good health and that “Then I’m going to be perfectly happy.” It could be exaggerating the good qualities of being in good health – as if it’s going to last forever. “I’m not going to get sick again. I’m not going to die.” That’s incorrect consideration, considering something that’s impermanent to be permanent.

Participant: But can’t you just want to feel better?

Dr. Berzin: There’s certainly nothing wrong with wanting to feel better. We’re talking about exaggeration – when you exaggerate how miserable you are. “Ugh! When am I going to be finished with this cold already?!”  

Participant: It doesn’t have to have this quality of “When I get rid of the cold, everything’s going to be perfect.”

Dr. Berzin: Right. But if you’re feeling uneasy about it, that means that there’s some disturbing emotion there. If I am sick, I certainly prefer to feel better. “I’d like to get better. I’m taking medicine and so on, but it will take time. I’m doing everything I can.” So, my mind is at ease with feeling sick. I want to get better, but my state of mind isn’t a disturbed one. So, there’s a difference

Participant: But still, you have these…

Dr. Berzin: Well, everybody wants to be happy, and nobody wants to be unhappy. That’s a basic axiom in Buddhism. Of course we want to be happy. So, of course we want to feel better. We would prefer it – put it that way. But that doesn’t mean that feeling sick is an excuse for me to be lazy or to be impolite to everybody. It’s not. 

So, be a bit introspective about longing desire, greed, and attachment. 

[meditation]

Dr. Berzin: I’m thinking of the example of being attached to my computer. That’s an interesting one. We can be attached to people. But when we are attached to our computers, what happens? We forget about all the crashes and all the problems that happen with computers. We think, “I have to have it.” And then we expect that it’s going to work properly all the time and not crash, which, of course, is a fantasy, because it’s a machine. Of course, it’s going crash and break.  

Participant: I am addicted to sugar. This, I think, is a good example of being attached.

Dr. Berzin: Right. We can be addicted to coffee, addicted to cigarettes. We can be addicted to anything. This underlies this whole problem of samsara, uncontrollably recurring rebirth – that not only are we mentally addicted, we become physically addicted too. The body just reinforces that mental addiction and makes it even stronger. Addiction is a very disturbing emotion. It’s even stronger than desire, greed, and attachment. 

Grasping for a Solid “Me”

What underlies that, of course, is the big “me”: “I need this. I have to have this.”  

Participant: I think that sometimes there can be a big need leftover from earlier times that later comes out as a big “me.” You have this big ego because you have a big need somewhere.

Dr. Berzin: Right. Grasping for a solid “me” can be reinforced by having been deprived of something, having been abandoned or whatever as a child. It just reinforces it. But the grasping for a “me” automatically arises. That’s why even babies think in terms of “me” and “mine.” But then it can get reinforced and be made stronger by what happens during our childhoods – during any time in our lives, in fact.  

Participant: When I look at myself, I don’t see that I’ve been very selfish very often. But then, if I look deeper, I see that I actually have been. I had so many problems to deal with that I focused just on myself and was blind to other people.

Dr. Berzin: Right, “I had to focus on me and my problems.” Those problems can be family problems, emotional problems, psychological problems, health problems, and so on. In Buddhism, we don’t deny that at all. Those things are certainly part of the picture, but we try to look more deeply by looking at our attitudes about reality and how we exist. These other things reinforce a confusion that we might have, but in order to really get rid of that confusion, we have to go much deeper. Just being aware of the difficult times we’ve had in the past is not going to get rid of the root of the problem. It may help temporarily, but it’s not going deeply enough.

Participant: The acknowledgement?

Dr. Berzin: We have to acknowledge, yes. This gets into psychology. If we’ve had a lot of suffering and experienced a lot of unpleasant things in our lives, it’s very important that we acknowledge them and that other people acknowledge them – definitely. But as I said, that’s a temporary solution. It doesn’t get rid of the underlying problem.  

Participant: It reminds me a lot of Tsultrim Allione – the method of feeding your demons. She always talks about these layers of demons and that the deepest one would be the ego.

Dr. Berzin: Right. So in one method that was developed by a Western person, we imagine our problems in the form of demons. We imagine them coming out from us and then sitting in front of us. I think similar methods were already being used in psychology before this. But in any case, the demon sits in front of you, and you ask, "What do you want?" Then you try to give it what it wants and so on. And as she said, there are many different levels of demons, ever subtler ones. “I was abandoned as a child,” “my parents divorced,” or whatever is one level of demon, but a subtler level could be just basic selfishness, self-preoccupation: "I’m the most important one in the world, and everything should be nice for me." Why should everything be nice for me?  

To Gain Liberation from All Suffering, We Have to Overcome Biology

Participant: I would think that there are also biological or evolutionary needs.

Dr. Berzin: Right! That is even worse – the biological and evolutionary needs

Participant: So, I thought of this craving for sugar – that we have it because the brain needs sugar.

Dr. Berzin: Right. The brain needs sugar. So, this is why I say there’s a physical basis.

Participant: So, this craving for food or whatever is very basic.

Dr. Berzin: Right. Cravings for food, affection, physical contact, and these sorts of thing are very basic. The drive to procreate is certainly an evolutionary and biological one. 

This is why they say that to get rid of all suffering, we have to overcome biology. We have to overcome rebirth with this type of body. Just on the basis of the body alone, disturbing emotions will arise.

Participant: I think the body needs a certain number of biological cravings in order for us to survive.

Dr. Berzin: That’s exactly the problem with having this kind of body – that we have all these biological needs.  

Participant: Therefore, it’s ego.

Dr. Berzin: Right, there is a conventional “me.” That’s what we’re talking about when we talk about ego. We have a conventional “me.” And it is very important not to deny that it conventionally exists. Otherwise, we don’t take care of our needs. We don’t eat, don’t sleep… never get out of bed. But the trouble maker is, what we call in Buddhism, the false “me,” the inflated “me” – that “I have to always get my way,” “I have to be center of attention,” “I’m the most important one,” and so on. We project that false “me,” that inflated “me,” onto the conventional “me”: I’m so important; I should get the best seat; I should… whatever.

Participant: But if one is relaxed, then it’s OK?

Dr. Berzin: If one is relaxed? Then the problem is the automatically arising forms of these disturbing emotions. Just being relaxed is not enough. We also have to have insight; we have to have understanding. We’re relaxed when we are asleep, and yet we have disturbing emotions. We can get angry in a dream. We can have attachment and desire in a dream. It doesn’t even have to be a nightmare.  

Participant: I could, for instance, start to have a craving for coffee, sugar, or whatever around three-thirty in the afternoon when my sugar level goes down. But if I’m relaxed about it, and I think, "OK, it’s three-thirty. My sugar level is down, so now I’ve got these cravings,” then I have an insight into what’s happening. So, a craving arises, but I have some insight. So, doesn’t it help when you’re relaxed?

Dr. Berzin: This is very good. So, if you’re relaxed about it, then… you see, you want to be able to acknowledge, to have insight, “OK, this is the way it is. I have this craving because I have this type of body.” For instance, I don’t work in an office. I work at home, and I always take a nap after lunch. I’m used to doing that – which makes my energy go down even more. But I don’t make a big deal out of it. That’s the point: not to make a big deal out of it – like "Oh! I have to teach a weekend course, and I have to teach immediately after lunch. I won’t have the opportunity to take a nap!” – and freak out or something like that.  If you’re hungry, you eat! What’s the big deal? But if there’s no food, or lunch won’t be ready for another hour, the point is to accept the reality of it and not to crave. Sure, I’d like to eat, but it’s not as though I have to eat. I want to eat, but the food isn’t ready yet; so, I have to wait. If I have patience, I don’t suffer. I’m not disturbed. 

This is the clue – whether our energies are disturbed, whether we have peace of mind. I take a nap in the afternoon. I don’t feel guilty about it. I sleep for twenty minutes. That’s the perfect amount of time for my body to regenerate without my getting sluggish and heavy afterwards. I don’t even have to set an alarm clock. I automatically wake up in twenty minutes. My body knows that already. So, it’s a biological, reinforced habit. 

So, if you have to have sugar, take some sugar. If you’re worried about weight, take a sugar substitute.  

It’s a difficult situation. For instance, I am, I confess, addicted to coffee, to caffeine. I can stop it if I want. I know that I will get a severe withdrawal headache for two or three days afterwards. I’ve experienced that many times. But I know that after that, my energy level will be more consistent; it doesn’t go up and down. But I like caffeine. I like the taste of coffee, so I go back to it. But I don’t make a big deal out of it. Would it be better if I didn’t drink coffee? Sure. But I don’t make a big deal out of it.  

Participant: I was remembering something you said when we were talking about different kinds of attachment – that, usually, we give attributes to things that they don’t have in themselves.

Dr. Berzin: Right. That was part of the definition of longing desire – that we consider an object to be attractive by its very nature.  

Participant: Or we exaggerate.

Dr. Berzin: Or we exaggerate the good qualities of something.

The Importance of the Motivation

Participant: I’m thinking that the point is the motivation – what is making us want those things. It’s not necessarily about the things that we want. 

Dr. Berzin: Right. The motivation is very important, and that I left out. I should have said that when I take my nap after lunch, it’s with the motivation to have a lot of energy to continue my work, or that when I drink coffee, it’s to have a lot of energy to work – it’s not to feel high. Also, the work that I do I think is to the benefit of others.

It’s the same thing with sleeping or eating. The proper motivation is, “May I have enough energy and strength to be able to continue helping others.” With that motivation, the sleeping or the eating becomes a constructive act. Eating and sleeping by themselves are neutral acts. They can be either constructive or destructive, depending on the motivation. So, sure, there are certain biological needs. Because of the type of body we have, we have to sleep and eat. We need energy and so on. 

This is what I was saying about taking care of our needs. Although, ultimately, we want to attain liberation from rebirth with this kind of body – we want to attain a light body and all of that, as we’ve discussed – the reality is that now I have a precious human rebirth. And given the reality of this body, I need to take care of it, which means that I need to sleep properly, eat properly, and so on. 

I had a discussion with somebody today about whether there is anything inappropriate about liking things. Is liking something a form of desire and attachment? I argued, no, although maybe on a subtle level it is. A Buddha doesn’t have preferences, doesn’t like or dislike anything. A Buddha has complete equanimity. The classic example is that if somebody is chopping a Buddha with a sword on one side and massaging him with oil on the other side – same, same. But we’re not Buddhas. We do have preferences. 

What is liking something? Liking something is a result of karmic habits from this or a past life. Is there anything wrong with liking chocolate and not liking liver, for instance? I don’t think so. We aim for “same, same,” but if I’m going to have ice cream, chances are I’m going to order chocolate ice cream, because I like it. I can enjoy it for what it is without making a big deal over it. I don’t have to exaggerate my liking for it and become a chocolate addict. If they don’t have it, OK. I’ll have something else. So, I don’t think that, at our level, we have to get rid of liking things, to get rid of our preferences. 

I’m reminded of one of the teachings, one of the points in the Seven-Part Mind-Training (attitude–training), which is to work on our strongest disturbing emotion first. There are much heavier attachments and desires than taking a nap in the afternoon or having chocolate ice cream. So, work on the heavier ones first. I think that’s very important – to see that there are stages and priorities.