Recap
We have been going through this text Wheel of Sharp Weapons or Throwing Star Weapon, which is an attitude training or lojong text by Dharmarakshita. In it, we aim to try to, first, overcome our self-cherishing attitude, with which we think only of ourselves and ignore everybody else. Then, on a deeper level, we work to rid ourselves of this mistaken concept that we have and that we believe in, thinking that there is such a thing as the “true me,” the “real me,” that exists separately, independently from everything else about us. This is the basis then for us acting selfishly, for us wanting to always be the center and get our own way; with greed and attachment, to get more things to us; and with anger, to get things away from us and so on. In negating this so called “true self” – which is actually a false self which doesn’t exist at all – we are not denying or negating that there is any such thing as “me” or a self.
There is, from the Buddhist point of view, a “me,” but it’s merely what the word “me” refers to on the basis of everything that we’re experiencing each moment. Each moment we have some type of consciousness, there is seeing, or hearing, or thinking, or something like that; there’re objects that we see and hear; and there are different levels of distinguishing in which we distinguish one object from another in a sense field; and a level of a feeling of happiness or unhappiness in terms of how we experience things; and then all the various emotions and different mental factors, that make up that moment like concentration, interest, attention and so on – and that’s all that is happening. We can about “me” in terms of all of that; the word “me” does refer to a “me,” but that “me” is not something which is solid or findable, separate from everything that is happening. In a way, it’s a little bit like a way of organizing and explaining the continuity of experience – individual experience, moment to moment – on the basis of cause and effect.
Now when we inflate that “me,” imaging that it has independent existence all by itself, then that generates lots of disturbing emotions and problems. What this text is speaking about at this point are the various problems that arise from that type of misconception and what we want to do is smash that misconception so that we no longer believe in it. Since that misconception is so strong and so deep and the habit of thinking that way is so deeply, deeply ingrained, we need a lot of force to smash through it and just say, “This is ridiculous, this is garbage” – and smash it. So, we call upon a very strong image: this very strong figure of Yamantaka, which is the forceful form of Manjushri, the embodiment of the clarity of mind and discriminating awareness or wisdom – if we want to put in simple words – of all the Buddhas. Manjushri holds a sword to cut through all this garbage and Yamantaka is this really fierce, forceful form with all the flames and so on around it that has Manjushri in the heart to really even more forcefully cut through the garbage. It’s not that Yamantaka is a separate figure existing independently all by itself that we’re calling in from some sort of heaven to help us, but rather we are invoking the potential that we have on our own mental continuums to be a Yamantaka – forcefully, with strong discriminating awareness, to discriminate between what’s correct and what’s incorrect; what actually is reality and what is just our projection of a fantasy.
Betraying Those Who Trust Us
Now, we are up to, in the old poetical translation, verse 78l and in the new literal translation, verse 77. Let me read the old translation, 78:
When others consider us close and dear friends and relate in strict confidence all that they know, we disclose their deep secrets especially to their foes. When we have a good friend who is constantly with us, we locate his weak point so that we can torment him. Trample him, trample him, dance on the head of this treacherous concept of selfish concern! Tear out the heart of this self-centered butcher who slaughters our chance to gain final release.
And in the literal version, which is what we will discuss, verse 77:
We’re trusted as intimates (by others) and then reveal their innermost secrets to their foes. We’re befriended in goodwill and then, without care for how it reflects on them, rob them of their inner strength and courage. Crash, really crash down, right on the head of (this) ruinous concept! Deal the death blow to the heart of this butcher, a “true self,” our foe.
The first part of this verse is speaking about when others have confidence in us, take us into their confidence and reveal private things or secrets – I mean, we’re talking here primarily about private things; we’re not talking about state secrets of how to build a bomb or something like that. They tell us really personal, difficult things about themselves and then we go and we tell all of these things to other people, especially people who are their foes, which means people that might use that information to do something not very nice back to this person. What would be behind that, anybody? Obviously, we’re talking here about the concept of a solid “me;” how would that influence this? Why do we talk all the time? Why do we speak, let’s say about other people’s affairs to third parties? Usually, we’re not thinking about the person that we are revealing intimate things about. If they were in the room, we wouldn’t speak like that, we wouldn’t tell other people about them. So, we’re really ignoring them completely as if they didn’t exist and only thinking about “me,” and often we tell things, private things about other people, in a sense to complain: “Oh, this person is so messed up, this person is so crazy.” Then we tell things about them, which is basically just thinking about “me:” “I’m so wonderful that I’m dealing with this person;” or, “Praise me because I’m such a good person that I’m dealing with this crazy person” or something like that, isn’t it? We want to impress them. So, again, there is a big ego behind it, isn’t there? Why else would we want to tell private things to other people about somebody else? For showing off, to make ourselves more interesting: “Oh, all the interesting people that I know or all the crazy people that I know, or all the important people, rich people, or the poor people.” That is what I meant about trying to impress others; we’re showing off.
It’s also to put ourselves in a better light because we show how terrible this other person is that we’re telling the private things about: “I’m so much better, I’m dealing with this kind of person.” But it’s easy to get into that type of habit, isn’t it? To speak about other people, to speak about a third person when they are not there – we do that all the time, most of us. That’s a hard one to control, actually. Then you say, “Well, what would we have left to talk about if we’re not talking about political figures, if we’re not talking about people that we know?” Then you’re left with talking about the weather which is not very interesting or deep and meaningful philosophical discussions. But it comes into the category of meaningless chatter, actually, unless there is some purpose to speaking about somebody else to the other person, but often it’s complaining – “Look what I have to deal with” – isn’t it?
It becomes an interesting question: why do we tell our private, intimate matters to somebody else? Because that’s another way of interpreting this verse: we tell other people about ourselves and then they betray us and reveal our secrets to others. The point of the verse then, of course, is to see that when we have this type of a syndrome that we can’t keep personal matters. Obviously, speaking about personal matters about ourselves to someone when we’re seeking their advice – that can be very helpful. If we are going to work with somebody or have a close friend, I think it is important to share certain things. But this is from a Western point of view – I don’t really know. I’m thinking of my relationship with the old Serkong Rinpoche: I was with him for nine years. He never once asked me a personal question and I never once spoke with him about my own personal life; it was totally irrelevant to our relationship. But I think that’s unusual. It didn’t seem to make any difference; it didn’t matter. But I think that Westerner to Westerner, that would be difficult.
There’s a lot to think about here in terms of how we deal with the personal, private, matters of others, of our friends. Are we able to just keep that to ourselves? Do we feel compelled to blab about it, to talk about it to others? Do we make any discrimination in terms of whom we tell it to? And how would that person who told us about themselves feel if they knew? Would we be willing to tell them, “Yes, I told this one and that one about you?” We would feel very embarrassed, wouldn’t we, very awkward. And the other person would feel very hurt, just as we would feel hurt if we tell others something about ourselves and they broadcast it all over the place. So, this whole issue of sharing secret personal stuff, what’s going on with that? Let’s take a minute to think about that. Is information something that is solid, that we hold inside us and if our hard drive is too full, then it spills out? What is our attitude toward information, in a sense – personal information – and what is that information in any case?
Also, I think there is a different situation in which, let’s say, somebody tells us something about themselves, we know about their private matters and there is a third person who also has to deal with this person. Then sometimes in order to help that third person understand the first person, it might be helpful to give them a little bit of background. That’s one situation. Then the other point that came up in my mind is why do we have hidden secret things about ourselves. From an ideal point of view, there shouldn’t be anything that we need to hide; if you’re hiding it, you’re a hypocrite. Sometimes we need comfort, and we need to share and reveal this personal stuff about ourselves. We are social beings, and we do need that comfort. But to say, “Ooh, there is a secret about me, blah blah blah, but don’t tell anybody” – that’s quite different. That’s quite different from seeking somebody else’s comfort. When we seek somebody else’s comfort, again, I suppose we can say, “Well, can you keep that, private just between you and me” – I don’t know. The primary focus of this verse is when somebody else does that with us and then we reveal these things about them to somebody else – why do we do that? Do we want comfort? Or is it in the sense of, “I’m so interesting, I deal with all these crazy people?”
Let’s go on to the second part of the verse, which is: “We’re befriended in goodwill and then, without care for how it reflects on them, rob them of their inner strength and courage.” Other people befriend us in good will; they have good, innocent intentions and so on, or they tell us things about themselves. And then what do we do? We “rob them of their inner strength and courage,” it says, which means that we can torment them, make fun of them, or turn our back on them. We don’t care for how it reflects on them, with this connotation that – if you’re looking from the point of view of the person who’d befriended us – “Look, I trusted you, I thought we could be a friend, and you treat me like” – pardon the expression – “a piece of shit.” How does that reflect on me? That reflects that I’m really a loser.” How does it reflect on them if we make fun of them and so on; betray them, tell their secrets to others? It reflects on them terribly, when other people have a low opinion of them. Well, I don’t know how many of us actually do this. I suppose this is getting into the whole sadomasochistic type of relationships, which actually are quite common. You get into a friendship with somebody and then you pick on them all the time, you find their weak points and you torment them and “it robs them of their inner strength and courage” – it just makes them feel more masochistic, more terrible about themselves.
Let’s reflect on that, especially if we have any sort of personal experience of being in that type of relationship, on the one side or the other and think in terms of what is behind it: it’s this misconception about how we ourselves exist. If you were to smash that, you could get out of that ugly cycle. Also, I think, if we torment somebody else, usually we’re not really taking their existence seriously and we’re not taking cause and effect seriously – that our words will have any real effect on the other person. We don’t really take their feelings seriously. So, we have to work on that on many levels.
I’ll just read the verse once more and then we go on to the next:
We’re trusted as intimates (by others) and then reveal their innermost secrets to their foes. We’re befriended in goodwill and then, without care for how it reflects on them, rob them of their inner strength and courage. Crash, really crash down, right on the head of (this) ruinous concept! Deal the death blow to the heart of this butcher, a “true self,” our foe.
Making Us Hard to Get Along With
The next verse is 79 in the old translation:
Our jealousy is strong and whatever is said we’re always the skeptic, we doubt what is meant. We’re fussy, bad-tempered and hard to get on with, inflicting obnoxious behavior on others. Trample him, trample him, dance on the head of this treacherous concept of selfish concern! Tear out the heart of this self-centered butcher who slaughters our chance to gain final release.
Verse 78 in the literal translation, which is much better:
Our short temper is perfect, yet our prejudices are coarser than those of anyone. We have difficulty in being friends, yet we continually arouse (others’) bad characters. Crash, really crash down, right on the head of (this) ruinous concept! Deal the death blow to the heart of this butcher, a “true self,” our foe.
The first part of it – “Our short temper is perfect” – is that we have a very short temper, we get angry very easily, we have very little tolerance for anything; and yet “our prejudices are coarser than those of anyone.” Well, why are we getting angry? Why do we have a short temper? Because we have prejudices and weird ideas. Often, it’s the case that people are paranoid; they think that everybody is against them, so they take instant offence at any slight thing that the other person says. That’s a type of prejudice in which they have already judged beforehand that you’re against me or that other people are against me – this type of thing. That, obviously, is based on a very strong feeling of a solid “me,” isn’t it? It doesn’t have to be personal – that I think, “You’re against me.” It could be more general: we think all farmers are bad, all farmers are terrorists or whatever. And then, of course, we get upset and short-tempered. The slightest thing and you go fanatic with anti-terror type of measures – this kind of behavior.
That I think is fairly straight forward, isn’t it? This is based on a misconception about not only “me” but about “you” – the one that we have prejudices against. Then we have no tolerance for the other person, or the other group, or the other situation. Prejudices can be also in terms of situations: “I’m somebody who needs to have my meal on time every day,” and then we get very upset, we get short-tempered, we get angry if the meal is late. “I need to have everything in order,” “I need to have everything under control,” “I need to have everything clean” – and then we get very, very angry if somebody comes into our house and doesn’t take their shoes off or dirties things. The type of people who cover their living room furniture with clear plastic and put a plastic runner on the rug so that’s where you’re supposed to walk and not on the rest of the rug – there’re people like that. I don’t how many people still do that. Certainly, people from my parents’ generation do that.
So, we have a very strong prejudice and, based on that, very short temper. This is again the big “me:” “I need to have whatever it is,” “I need for things to be like this or that.” What does it produce? It produces a lot of suffering, doesn’t it? That type of person is very unhappy, usually. I know people who get upset so easily and then everybody who’s with them always has to be super careful not to say anything that’s going to set this person off. Or being full of anger and paranoia – it’s terrible because the person herself is not at all a happy person and everybody who’s with them, especially relatives, feel very uneasy and can’t be relaxed because they might get offended.
That’s the first part of the verse. The second part of the verse is: “We have difficulty in being friends, yet we continually arouse (others’) bad characters.” It’s difficult for us to be friends with others and our friendships don’t last and so on – well, why? It’s because we’re continually arousing others’ bad characters. What does that mean? It means that we are acting in an obnoxious way – a very annoying, provocative type of way and it causes the other person to reject us. This is very often the case where somebody is insecure and they’re afraid that the other person is going to reject them. Rather than let that happen, they will really act in a terrible way so that they really will be rejected. Teenagers who purposely misbehave and try to provoke the parents more and more and more. This is what we’re talking about. They continually arouse your bad character in terms of your intolerance by acting in such a terrible way and it’s difficult to befriend them – this is what we’re talking about. So, why do the children act that way? Usually that’s based on thinking in terms of a solid “me:” “I’m no good and so I might as well ensure that you know that I’m no good, so you’ll reject me.” You just confirm that “I’m no good, I’m a loser.” And so, you act like a loser and that causes other people to treat you like a loser: “I’m a loser, I have nothing interesting to say so I’ll just stay in the corner and not say anything,” which ensures the fact that nobody is going to befriend us.
So, that is the verse. I’ll just read it once more and then we’ll take a moment to think about it and then we’ll end.
Our short temper is perfect, yet our prejudices are coarser than those of anyone. We have difficulty in being friends, yet we continually arouse (others’) bad characters. Crash, really crash down, right on the head of (this) ruinous concept! Deal the death blow to the heart of this butcher, a “true self,” our foe.
I just thought of another example that maybe makes this clear. We have difficulty in a relationship with a friend or a partner and the partner or the friend says, “Well, don’t call me so often, give me a little bit of space,” and we feel even more insecure. Rather than giving them the space, we call even more, and we demand and ask even more of them, which just drives them even further away. We do that because of insecurity. That I think is a good example of what we’re talking about here and that’s based on the solid “me.” We jeopardize the relationship because of the other person’s bad character, which is to reject us even more.
Dedication
Let’s end with the dedication. We think whatever understanding has come from this, whatever positive force, may it go deeper and deeper and act as a cause for reaching enlightenment for the benefit of all.