Phase Two and Three Exercises for Quieting the Mind

Let’s go on. The third phase is to have a quiet mind in regard to ourselves. We do this exercise in three parts. In the first part, we look at our hand with a quiet mind. We look at both sides of the hand; turn it around without commenting on what it or the nails look like – thinking, for example, how beautiful or how ugly or whatever. Just look at the hand with a quiet mind.

Guided Meditation — Part One

• First, we quiet down.
• Then, look at your hand with a quiet mind and use any of the three methods to quiet the commentary or any emotions that might come up as well.
• Let go of whatever comes up.
• Put your hand down and let the experience settle.
• Focus on the breath.

Questions or Comments

I never realized how much noise there was in my head and I am finding the exercises very helpful. In doing the exercise focusing on you, trying to be quiet took me to indifference. What is the border between not commenting and being indifferent? Can you clarify this?

Again, this is only one half. Unfortunately, we exist in linear time and we can only learn one half at a time. The caring attitude takes care of this indifference. We can’t just have the observing. Very often when people begin Buddhist studies, they just do practices of observing the breath and feelings in the body and so on. If that’s the only thing that they do, that becomes very imbalanced. In the Theravada tradition, this type of meditation is always balanced with what is called metta meditation on love and compassion. We can’t just have one.

During the hand exercise, I had physical issues come up, like an itch in my ear, but I wasn’t able to apply these methods to that.

Those aren’t the easiest methods to apply with that. First of all, there is no reason why you can’t scratch. We aren’t doing some really strict Zen meditation where we aren’t supposed to move or we get beaten with a stick. Another method that we can use, although this comes much later in the training, is to just realize that it’s a feeling. It’s just a feeling and it’s no big deal. We can’t just breathe out the itch; that isn’t going to make it go away. We can breathe out the tension that we have inside about it, the thoughts that we have about it and making it our main focus of attention. In life, there are some occasions when it’s okay to scratch, and others, like carrying a big heavy tray of dishes, when we can’t scratch. We have to wait until we put the tray down. If we’re carrying a baby, we don’t just drop the baby in order to scratch our noses. It’s a matter of how much attention we pay. When our attention is mostly on the baby, then in a sense, the itch almost goes away.

Could you explain a bit more about why the Prasangika school takes things to the absurd, and if that method can also be applied to what we are doing here?

We can’t go into a deep analysis of why they use this method at this time. That gets very complicated in terms of whether or not there is the inherent existence of logic in the universe. Is there something inherent in the universe that makes it logical? That’s very metaphysical. The Prasangika school doesn’t accept that there is anything inherent in the universe that, from its own side, makes it logical. Therefore, they use this method of absurd conclusions basically because when a line of reasoning is leading to this absurdity, then on the basis of that, we can say that something is ridiculous. We don’t continue in that way of thinking. In the actual philosophy, it’s used much more in terms of logical absurdities that would follow from a line of reasoning. It seems that it can also be applied in terms of images, like when someone is jumping up and down like a puppy just so excited to see us. Are we like a puppy or a human being?

I’m having a lot of anxiety and a strong feeling of wanting to evade this. When I am trying to not make comments and projections, it seems almost impossible; there has to be something to give a personal interpretation to all the events unfolding here. It is even difficult for me to stay awake or present because I can’t interpret what is going on according to my own logical way of feeling or thinking. 

You bring up some good points that need clarification. First of all, we are talking about quieting disruptive and unnecessary comments. We’re not talking about stopping thinking or evaluating things. We are talking about how to stop compulsive noise in our head so that we can think clearly. The important point in that sentence is that we’re quieting down so that we can think clearly. We certainly don’t want to eliminate our evaluation of things. That is the basis of discriminating awareness, or wisdom, as it’s usually translated. 

What is thinking? Often in the West, we identify thinking with a mental verbal process. In fact, that is quite slow and inefficient if we have to actually verbalize every step of our thinking process. By seeing that a lot of the verbal energy in our heads is really quite unnecessary, it helps us to think faster so that we can respond more immediately so we don’t have this time lag. We can walk into a room, and just by looking we can evaluate what is going on, the situation and how we need to act. From a Tibetan Buddhist point of view, that is a thinking process; however, it doesn’t have to be verbalized in our heads. That takes much longer.

The first part that you mentioned, we don’t want to be like the police person; it isn’t that we shouldn’t think, or shouldn’t verbalize. This is introducing an entirely different type of ethics to this type of training that is inappropriate. This judgmental attitude comes from our cultural attitudes. If we are thinking, we are bad and not following the instructions. In our Western context, ethics is basically an issue of obedience. We obey the laws, either heavenly and biblically or legislatively. Coming from this background, we think that here are the instructions and if we want to be a good practitioner with balanced sensitivity, we follow the laws. Naturally, in terms of following the law and being obedient, that brings in the policeman, the judge, guilt and a tremendous amount of feeling restraint. We feel that we have to be good and it can make us quite uncomfortable. It’s very helpful that you pointed that out, because many people can feel that way. This is very relevant not just to this type of training but to any type of Buddhist training. Many people feel uncomfortable because of this.

Buddhist Approach to Ethics Based on Discriminating Awareness

In the Buddhist approach, ethics isn’t based on obedience but on discriminating awareness. We discriminate between what is helpful and what is harmful. We view an explanation of sensitivity imbalances leading to difficult relationships. If there is more balance, there are less difficult relationships. There are certain methods to be able to do this. We evaluate it. First, we look to see if it is a valid source of information; if the Buddha said anything that might contradict it. Then, we evaluate if it is logical. If we are judging, commenting, thinking about all sorts of other things and not paying attention, does that make it difficult to relate to someone? Lastly, we evaluate our own experience during these exercises and see the noise in our minds. We try it out and see if the method works to make it a bit easier in our relationships, although, of course, there are still going to be ups and downs. Based on that, we make a choice. No one says that we “have to” do this.

If we want to follow it, we follow it. Why? It is because we have discriminated for ourselves that it is helpful. If we don’t find it helpful, forget about it. This entire approach to ethics in terms of harming or hurting others is not at all based on obedience to laws. This Buddhist approach is very different. However, even when we understand this, because of our conditioning automatically this obedience comes up and really taints our practice. We meditate and practice out of guilt and the relationship with the teacher becomes one of obedience. It can get messed up. 

We need to work with the understanding of the Buddhist approach, especially with the spiritual teacher. If we have difficulties in our relationship with a teacher, we have to discriminate if our discomfort is coming from obedience-based ethics. If it is, that is inappropriate. The ethics needs to be based on discriminating awareness of what is correct or incorrect, in accordance with the Dharma or not, appropriate or inappropriate, helpful or unhelpful, useful or not useful. It’s never based on obedience. That’s a different culture. Thank you for bringing these points up in your question. It is very helpful.

Guided Meditation — Part Two

Let’s do the next two parts of the exercise before our time ends. The next part is done with a mirror and is quite challenging. We can already see people looking in the mirror and adjusting their hair and so on. That is not what we are trying to do here. 

We are looking in the mirror without judging; without thoughts about how fat or old or thin or any of that. Behind all this, for example, may be a feeling that we have to look attractive and this causes a constant preoccupation with how our hair looks. If our minds are silent without the judgmental factors, we can see if we are looking tired, for example, and take a rest. If we go on and on about anything we see, that isn’t helpful at all. There is a difference between discrimination and judgment. The judging usually has all the verbal commentary that arises that is not helpful. Even if we aren’t mentally commenting, even if we’re silent, there can be non-verbal judgment. We need to breathe out non-verbal things as well. 

Let’s try to look at ourselves in the mirror without commenting, while being emotionally quiet and calm. Remember, this is only the first leg, quieting the mind, and we need to add the second leg, the caring attitude to prevent the feelings of disassociation. 

• Quiet down and focus on the breath.
• Look at ourselves in the mirror with a quiet mind. As with the photographs, try to hold it up a little bit because if it is down in our laps we can get dizzy.
• Just see ourselves the way we are. No need to judge, comment or complain.
• Use the three methods we have learned to quiet the mind.
• Remember to let go of non-verbal judgments as well.
• Put down the mirror and let the experience settle.
• Focus on the breath.

For most people, this is more challenging than what we have done before. Although it is ideal to have a little bit of time between the exercises, we are limited in time. Let’s go on to the last part so that we get a little taste of the steps of the training.

Guided Meditation — Part Three

The procedure is the same. We want to look and think of ourselves in the past without being judgmental or making comments. We want to just be able to deal with our past in a balanced way. 

• Again, we begin by quieting down.
• Look at the photos of ourselves in the past with a quiet mind.
• If without photos, just think about ourselves from the past.
• Then put the photos down or simply stop.
• Let the experience settle.
• Focus on the breath.

The conclusion that I have after all the exercises is that most of my commentary is about things I don’t like or accept. That makes me very judgmental. I come into relationships with this attitude and this causes problems. In these exercises, I am able to quiet down some of this and it makes me more relaxed and able to relate to others and myself from another point of view without such strong rejections.

When we quiet down, this forms the basis for many good qualities. One is acceptance; however, this doesn’t just mean being passive. We accept the reality of a situation and what is going on with another person. For example, if a person is acting in a very unpleasant and abusive way, acceptance is not denying it or ignoring it and wishing it wasn’t happening. Once we accept the reality, then with discriminating awareness, we can evaluate if it is appropriate or inappropriate. We can evaluate to deal with it in this or that way. It isn’t passive. 

This applies to ourselves as well. We may notice that we are overworked and overtired. Rather than denying that, we accept the reality, notice if it isn’t healthy for us and do something about it.

When looking at other people, I felt that I was in control. However, when looking at myself, my anxiety level started to climb and felt out of control. I realized the duality between myself and the rest of the universe.

This is very good; part of the process is identifying the source of our difficulties. If we can see from this experience that we think of a “me” inside who is the controller, who has to be in control, that makes it very difficult to have balanced sensitivity in relationships with anyone and ourselves. There is a great deal of training focused on changing our perspective in terms of our experience. We want to change from being either the removed observer or the controller, both of which imply a duality of a “me” separate from everything else. We can change our perspective to a much more direct and healthy way of dealing with things. It’s good to start to recognize what are the things that are making us uncomfortable.

It’s very interesting when we start to put these things together. There is the obedience and policeman issue that makes us uncomfortable. This is harmonious and fits with the controller issue.

I have a practical question; I live far away and will not be able to attend next weekend to continue. How can I go on with the training? Are there videos or tapes?

Getting the tapes and videos will be very helpful to at least get the second leg so as not to be hopping on one leg. If one wants to continue this training, in different countries, including here in Mexico City, there are groups doing this training. There is also a book and it is very clear from the book and the revised edition of that. It isn’t completely finished, but there is a Spanish translation to utilize; form a group and go ahead. If you have questions and so on, ask me. As I said, there is one group in Mexico City, and you can draw on their experiences as well. I would recommend that the group doesn’t exceed fifteen to twenty people. If it gets too large, it becomes unmanageable. It’s better to make two groups. There is so much emotion that comes up in training, people feel more comfortable in a smaller setting. It’s not that anyone feels left out in a corner with no one listening to them.

Next sessions, we will work on the caring attitude. Initially, we recognize that the other person is also a human being and has feelings just like we do. If we can recognize that in other people and see them in this way, it is very helpful. We can recognize that the way we treat others will affect their feelings just like the way others treat us affect our feelings. 

Likewise, we have this attitude toward ourselves, particularly for people in denial or insensitive to their own feelings and so on. It is important to recognize that we are human beings just like everyone else. We have to take care of ourselves just like we take care of others. We need to take ourselves seriously in terms of dealing with our feelings and not just suppress or deny them. We may have a grand emotional display about how we love everyone and everything is wonderful when actually this can be a smokescreen masking over an inner denied hurt of what is really going on inside. The basis for being able to deal with that is respect for ourselves and recognition that we are human and we have feelings just like everybody else. Learning to have a quiet mind is beneficial together with this second side, developing the caring attitude. 

The dedication needs to align with our original motivation. For example, if we attended the sessions in order to learn how to improve this lifetime in a non-Buddhist context, then we make this dedication: May this go deeper and deeper and may we be able to apply it in our daily lives to make more balanced relationships.

If our aim was to take further steps in the safe direction toward liberation and enlightenment, from a Dharma-Lite or actual Dharma perspective, then we make this dedication: May whatever positive force, whatever understanding we’ve gained contribute as a cause for achieving enlightenment in order to be of best help to everyone. Thank you very much.