Recap
We’ve been going through this text Wheel of Sharp Weapons or Throwing Star Weapon. It is dealing with the problems of self-cherishing, which is to think of ourselves as the most important and always work just for ourselves – or basically selfishness; and what underlies it, which is this concept that we have of a “true self,” a solid “the real me.” We think this is somehow solidly real, solidly true, independent of everything else and it has to get its own way, which is what causes us to go on what in the West we call ego trips. We’re in the second section of the text, in which we’re looking at all the hypocritical things that occur because we are thinking in terms of this concept of the “true self,” the “real me.” Last time I absent mindedly forgot to put the recorder on for the second verse that we were discussing. So, just for the sake of completeness, let me just in a few sentences mention that last verse.
Acting Worse Than Animals Though We’re Well-Studied
In the literal translation it is verse 66:
Our philosophical view is the highest, yet our conduct is worse than that of a dog. Our good qualities are abundant, yet we cast to the wind their (ethical) base. Crash, really crash down, right on the head of (this) ruinous concept! Deal the death blow to the heart of this butcher, a “true self,” our foe.
This is referring to situations in which we might be very intellectual, very intelligent – we’ve studied a great deal; but if our conduct is still very terrible, we’re still acting in all sorts of destructive ways – like that of a dog it says here – then that philosophical view has not really gone deeply at all into us. In other words, we’ve just left it on the level of knowledge that we can show off to others in a display of arrogance, but it hasn’t made any effect on us. That really is because we’re thinking just of this solid “me,” and we’re doing our studies as an ego trip. The same thing in the second part: “Our good qualities are abundant, yet we cast to the wind their (ethical) base.” We may have lots of good qualities; these can be again being very intelligent, it could be coming from a good family, or having wealth, or having whatever positive qualities we might have that come as the conducive qualities of a precious human rebirth that will enable us to help others more and more. We have strong influence, and we have the means to be able to help others and so on and all of this comes from keeping strong ethics, which is the main cause for a precious human rebirth. So, if we have these qualities already, but we ignore building up further causes for continuing to have that type of rebirth, that type of life – in other words, we don’t act in an ethical way – we abuse the positions of power or wealth or the talents that we have just for ego purposes – then again this is going to have very unfortunate results, and it comes from thinking in terms of this solid “me.”
So that was the verse that we discussed last time at the end that didn’t make it to our recording.
Letting Anger Fester Inside and Blaming Others for Our Problems
Now we start with the next verse, which is verse 68 in the poetical old translation:
We have selfish desires and horrible anger which fester inside us we would never admit, yet without provocation we criticize others and self-righteously charge them with faults we possess. Trample him, trample him, dance on the head of this treacherous concept of selfish concern. Tear out the heart of this self-centered butcher who slaughters our chance to gain final release.
The literal translation for this is (verse 67):
All our innermost longings, we keep (hidden) inside us. While all our affairs that have gone crooked, we blame on others, contrary to fact. Crash, really crash down, right on the head of (this) ruinous concept! Deal the death blow to the heart of this butcher, a “true self,” our foe.
This is referring to situations in which we have all sorts of negative thoughts. It could be – as it says in the poetical version, which fills this in – either anger, or longing desires, or pornographic movies going on in our head, or whatever it might be – really negative thoughts about others etc. – but we keep those hidden inside us. In other words, we pretend to be really nice on the outside, but actually inside we have horrible thoughts. What do you think that that is based on and what is the suggestion here? Is it the suggestion that if we have all these negative thoughts, we should put them on the outside as well, or what? How do you deal with all these negative type of deluded thoughts and images that go through our mind?
Should I yell at myself or punish myself when some bad thoughts come up? No, certainly not punish ourselves but in terms of yelling at ourselves – this is really an interesting point, because here what the verse is talking about is invoking the force of Yamantaka, this strong force in ourselves: “Crash, really crash down, right on the head of (this) ruinous concept!” What is behind these angry thoughts? It’s “me,” solid “me:” “I want to have everything the way that I want it and anything that I don’t like is bad and I want to get rid of it.” Or what’s behind the pornographic longings and movies in our mind is also this solid “me:” “I want you and I want you as an object” – not thinking in terms of anybody else. What we need to do is very strongly say, “Come on, cut that out!” First, you certainly have to become aware of what we’re doing. But then when we realize what we’re doing, then the first step is to just say, “Cut it out! Stop it!” – like Shantideva would say in terms of remaining “like a block of wood.”
Now, that’s not so easy when we’re talking about thoughts, but certainly we can apply that in terms of actions – not to act it out the thoughts of anger or the thoughts of lust and this type of things. So, first, “Come on, stop it, straighten yourself out” – and that’s in a sense to shock yourself to do something. But then you apply the opponent, and the opponent is thinking that “Well, I don’t really exist that way as this solid entity, this boss inside me that has to always have its way and so on. Whatever is happening to me is based on a million causes and conditions. However, the other person is acting in terms of something that I might not like or something that I might actually like and find sexy and attractive, that also is based on causes and conditions and everything is flowing.” In this way, you take out the foundation for this negative thinking. But you certainly don’t say, “I’m a bad person, I have to punish myself because I was thinking this way.”
We’re not denying our thoughts, but what we’re doing is trying to take control over them. “Take control” – this can be misunderstood; we’re trying to improve the way that we are thinking. In other words, we say, “I admit that I’m acting in a selfish way” or “I’m acting in a lecherous way,” always wanting to use people for sex or this and that; or “I’m thinking in a very angry, destructive way, a very critical way.” So, we’re not lying to ourselves, but where the problem is when we think this is my “true self,” that’s really who I am: “I’m somebody who is has to have different sex partners every night and has to always get my way in the office and bully everybody around. That’s who I am.” So that’s this misconception that that’s the “true self,” that’s really “me.” This is what we have to get rid of; to think that is the true “me” – that’s a lie because there is no such thing as a solid, fixed, true “me.” The whole point here is to overcome this feeling, this belief, that this is the solid true “me” and everybody has to accept that. Actually, it’s self-deception to think that this is the true, solid “me” – “This is the real me, this is who I am.” At the moment I may be acting that way, but that doesn’t mean that there is something deep inside me that makes me like that, by its own power and that’s truly who I am.
So we have a lot of negative habits, that’s for sure, we all have in one form or another, but these are things that can be changed. But also, you have to just change it – not change it on the basis of some solid “me” that is separate from everything that’s happening, who is the judge and then the punisher who’s coming in: “I’m going to change the bad me into a good me.” That’s a very schizophrenic way of acting. One has to just do it. Don’t think of a separate “me” who is disciplining the bad “me” because then you get into a guilt trip, and you get into all sorts of very confused ways of thinking.
So that was the first half of this verse: “All our innermost longings, we keep (hidden) inside us.” The second half of this verse: “While all our affairs that have gone crooked, we blame on others, contrary to fact.” We keep the negative things hidden inside us, but externally if things have gone wrong, often it’s because of the negative things inside us. Instead of seeing that the fault was within ourselves, we blame it on others, which is not true, it’s contrary to fact. Now that, of course, is a very common thing: when we make mistakes ourselves or have various faulty things within ourselves, we blame them on others. The classic one is there’s one piece of cake left and somebody else takes it and then we get very upset: “You greedy pig, you took the last piece of cake.” Well, what does that mean? That means that we wanted the last piece of cake, we were greedy for it. If we didn’t want it, why would we care that somebody else took the last peace? I think that’s a clear example. But it’s amazing how very often the things that upset us in others the most are faults that we ourselves have, that we see reflected in others.
I’ll read the verse once more.
All our innermost longings, we keep (hidden) inside us. While all our affairs that have gone crooked, we blame on others, contrary to fact. Crash, really crash down, right on the head of (this) ruinous concept! Deal the death blow to the heart of this butcher, a “true self,” our foe.
When we’re thinking either I’m guilty or you’re guilty, both of those are based on thinking of a solid “me” and a solid you with a big plastic coating around both of us. Either I’m the victim and you’re guilty, or I’m so bad because I was the aggressor and you’re the victim. Then we give a solid identity to that solid “me,” and then we hold on to it – that’s guilt. But if we see in a difficult situation – a difficult relation with somebody – that it’s arisen because of causes and conditions in terms of my past, this person’s past, the situation that we are in or the other people that interacted with both of us in that situation, then we deconstruct the emphasis on it being just two solid ping-pong balls, bouncing off each other. It’s much more complicated than that and then it diffuses the thing. Then we say, “Okay, here’s the situation, it’s arisen for all this causes, but it’s fluid because further causes are arising.” We don’t freeze it. What we tend to do is instead of letting things flow like a movie, we freeze it into a still photograph and then just hold on to it. “You said that to me,” “You did that to me” – a still photograph and then we stay stuck there. But things flow on; that’s not the way that life is.
It’s like if you’re speaking to a group of people – let’s say at a conference or something like that – and you make a mistake, then you realize I just made a mistake. Well, if you hold on to that, then you freeze and you can’t go in with your talk. Whereas if you just either let it go, or if you recognize it, you made a mistake you say, “Oh, I made a mistake a few minutes ago when I said that,” and you correct it and you just go on. You have to be able to do that in that sort of situations and the same thing in life. Now the problem, of course, is when the other person makes the still photograph and you say, “Well, come on, I made a mistake, that was a slip of the tongue or whatever, that wasn’t really what I meant, I’m sorry,” or we give an apology and the other person doesn’t accept the apology and go on – this is very difficult. I had a friend like that; it would take days before he would get over something like that. So, you have to somehow convince the person. Either that or you let them cool down, give them space to calm down from holding on so strongly. But it’s very difficult to influence others when they’re really very strongly deluded.
There are some people who really like to provoke others and if it’s us that they’re trying to provoke, don’t let them succeed. Sometimes when I’ve been with people like that, who are constantly provoking rather than getting defensive and taking it personally, I’ve asked them, “Why are you doing that?” You just confront them with what they’re doing rather than accept it and take all that crap on yourself that they’re throwing at you. “Look what you’re doing. Everything that I say you are criticizing or you’re making into something negative. Why are you doing this? What’s the point?” And then if they continue and continue – leave.
I’ll give you a wonderful example of His Holiness the Dalai Lama. He was at a conference – actually it was in this country, in Germany somewhere; I wasn’t there, but somebody told me about this. It was a dialog with some sort of professor and the professor was talking about the environment: saying to His Holiness that airplanes pollute the atmosphere, how terrible it is, that he should never ride on airplanes and wanting His Holiness to affirm that. His Holiness said, “Well, actually it may pollute the environment, however it allows me to go around the world and to meet various people and to help in whatever I can in various situations.” The professor wouldn’t accept the answer and pressed him again: “But isn’t it terrible how bad it is and shouldn’t people stop flying and blah blah blah.” His Holiness answered him very patiently a second time, but the professor still wouldn’t give up and kept on repeating it again and again: “But isn’t this so terrible,” and so on. And His Holiness said, “Oh, I have another appointment, excuse me,” and he left. He left the conference, which, of course, was an unbelievable shock because there was an audience of about a thousand people. But he saw that it was useless with this man – he was absolutely stuck on this point, he wasn’t going to go any further and so what’s the point of being there.
Going to Ghosts for Protection and Refuge
The next verse is, in the old translation, 69:
We wear robes of saffron, yet seek our protection and refuge in spirits and gods of this world. We have promised to keep solemn vows of strict morals, yet our actions accord with the demons’ foul ways. Trample him, trample him, dance on the head of this treacherous concept of selfish concern. Tear out the heart of this self-centered butcher who slaughters our chance to gain final release.
The literal translation, verse 68:
We’ve clothed ourselves in robes of saffron, but then sought protection and refuge from ghosts. We’ve taken on vows (of ethical discipline), but then made our behavior comparable to that of a demon. Crash, really crash down, right on the head of (this) ruinous concept! Deal the death blow to the heart of this butcher, a “true self,” our foe.
This is of course speaking quite specifically about people who have become monks and nuns and who are obviously fully committed to the Buddhist path, at least on the surface, but then, as it says here, they seek protection and refuge from ghosts. These could be various local spirits; there are a lot of Buddhist countries where people still deal with the local spirits, and they make their main offerings to them. We can think in terms of protectors – whether they are beneficial protectors, so-called helpful protectors, or more dubious harmful protectors – still, the point is that they are not the main object of refuge. Now, this is true even if we are not monks and nuns. If we actually take refuge, put this safe direction in our life of Buddha, Dharma and Sangha, then the main thing to rely on is basically our karma. What is going to protect us from experiencing suffering and difficulties in the future are the actions that we do now in terms of purification of negative potentials that we’ve built up and building up more and more positive force from acting in a constructive way. That’s really what will protect us, certainly not praying to some spirit or local god, “Oh, save me, save me!” So that’s the direction; refuge really is going in that direction. If we are thinking more in terms of going to some ghost or some spirit, making offerings to that, how is that related to grasping to a solid “me?”
Our interest is on the solid “me” in this life: “Oh, protect me from my enemy,” “Give me great wealth,” “May my daughter find a good husband,” “May my business succeed” – all this sort of things. Your interest is not long-term liberation and enlightenment; you’re asking basically for favors from some god, from some spirit. It’s interesting in terms of what we as Buddhists actually pray for, if you’re into prayer. Are we actually praying, “May I do well in my examination next week,” “May I get a job,” “May I find a boyfriend or girlfriend”?
Even if we think in terms of precious human rebirth – “May everything I do act as a cause for liberation and enlightenment for the benefit of all and until I gain that liberation may I continue to have a precious human rebirth” – well, that has to be part of it; you need a precious human rebirth. Liberation and enlightenment take an awful long time; one long lifetime is not quite enough so you want to have precious human rebirth. Now the question is, can you dedicate your positive force for a precious human rebirth in all your lifetimes without it being again an ego trip that I want me to still be me, and I want to still be with my friends and “May I always be with my friends and loved ones in all my lifetimes.” It’s very easy to get into that way of thinking – very easy. “May I be able to continue benefitting everybody that I have close connection with and may I continue to make close connections with more and more beings” – that’s a little bit less ego-oriented. But I think that’s difficult.
It’s actually impossible to make completely pure unless you are liberated and enlightened –that’s absolutely true. One has to be realistic, not pretending. That’s why I said, how sincere are we in saying, “I am working to liberate every mosquito and cockroach in the universe?” You see yourself how sincere you are, without making an unrealistic expectation that it’s going to be perfect; and develop the wish, “May I be...” It’s good to wish, “May my wish become pure.” That’s a good wish: “May I overcome whatever selfishness is part of this wish.” The thing is not to turn to spirits and whatever – whether we think in terms of God, whether we think in terms of ghosts, whether we think in terms of protectors, whatever we might think in terms of.
Why am I listening to this class? Why am I doing my daily practice in the morning? We need to remind ourselves, because it’s easy to either do only the intention and not the dedication; or, what often is easier is the dedication but not the intention in the beginning. You just sort of sit down and start doing it and at the end you remember, but actually most of the time while you were sitting there and doing your practices, you were having mental wandering.
Let’s think about this verse once more:
We’ve clothed ourselves in robes of saffron, but then sought protection and refuge from ghosts. We’ve taken on vows (of ethical discipline), but then made our behavior comparable to that of a demon. Crash, really crash down, right on the head of (this) ruinous concept! Deal the death blow to the heart of this butcher, a “true self,” our foe.
If we are just taking on vows and pretending taking initiations and all of that stuff and it doesn’t affect our behavior, we’re really doing all of this just as an ego trip and that’s what we have to smash.
Dedication
We end here with the dedication. We think whatever understanding has come from this, whatever positive force, may it go deeper and deeper and act as cause for reaching liberation and enlightenment – and for everybody to reach liberation and enlightenment – for the benefit of all.